I never give up…

Hello peeps, if there’s anybody still around… or if anybody stops by and realizes that there was a long, long time since I last posted and that my last few posts were all about my struggle to find out the reasons why I didn’t seem to be able to lose weight… Just in case anybody wondered what happened to the lady who was looking for the thin-lady-inside of her… I am still here… I just want you to know that no matter what… no matter the struggles… I just DON’T GIVE UP! That’s right! … And while my weight kept slowly (and sometimes not so slowly) but surely creeping up… I never quit my battle against obesity… and while I did reach the 200’s again I didn’t gain all my weight back….

My last resort has been to invest in an expensive gym membership (which included 5 sessions with a fitness trainer and some blood work)

The blood work said what I already knew… Everything looks amazing in paper! They can tell I eat healthy and I exercise because the glucose is spot on, ideal numbers for triglycerides, HDL cholesterol, LDL cholesterol, blood pressure EVERYTHING! … They did a cardio test and they also were able to prove that I wasn’t lying when I said I exercise every day! They got me on the elliptical and it did nothing! High resistance and incline and I was feeling like I was sitting on a couch! My hear rate was so stable and not spiking… I could talk through the whole test… it was… GREAT! The trainer said: Wow, you really are strong… and I even told him when everything was done: “Sorry, I just have to ask… am I the healthiest fat person you’ve ever helped?” I could tell he was afraid to answer … Poor guy! but he finally said: “I am going to have to say yes to that!” LOL… So he started explaining to me that my body had just simply adapted to EVERYTHING I DO… Yes… everything! Including the 10 mile walks, the eating healthy, everything! And when the discouragement came and I did eat out of my normal, healthy stuff… of course I saw even an increase… and that was doing it! So what am I doing now?

  1. Weight Lifting… I had never tried that and the trainer highly recommended it (plus I’ve always had the goal of looking somewhat like a bodybuilder… I know… it might seem crazy… but I really reach for that!)
  2. Switching things around more both with the food and the exercise… in regards to food I am sticking to strictly healthy stuff, avoiding grains but not excluding them, continuing to live a “sugar free lifestyle”, and sticking to what I already used to do of no artificial junk and stuff like that… BUT now I am just making sure that I am not always “eating the same” everyday… adding more fish to my diet and like my trainer said: “When things stop working, change things up a bit”
  3. I am not focusing on the scale…. After 2 weeks of all the training and sticking to my healthy food… I felt stronger yet the scale said I had lost only 2 pounds (what!? I am still walking 10 miles, plus 1 hour of cardio and 1 hour of weights! How can that be?) well… looking deeper into it… and with the right equipment… ALL THE OTHER NUMBERS told a more encouraging story… I had lost 7.5 pounds of fat during those 2 weeks… yet gained 4.5 pounds of lean mass… AMAZING! Had I not known those details I know I would’ve let the 2 pounds be very discouraging! All that work for NOTHING??? BUT …. Now I know I have to REALLY trust other things more than the number on the scale… How do I feel? Am I getting stronger? How do the clothes feel? Etc… and I can’t let the scale ruin all those other tangible victories!
  4. Resting… With this I am still struggling… I have to trust what the trainer said about letting my body rest… I get this weird anxiety if I relax… I feel like I can’t sit or not train for a day because I will get huge… like… on that day! and this takes me to the next point…
  5. Training my mind as well… I am learning a lot about neuroplasticity… which is basically how our thinking affects our brains and our bodies… it might sound like it’s not something serious but being healthy involves our minds too… I have to change the way I think about myself… and even quit the negative thoughts that tell me “I’ll never get to accomplish something” and learn to relax, enjoy and not obsess.

strong

So … there you see me in the blurry picture above… I have those bands in my legs, I walk sideways with those and it is a great strength exercise for my legs (hips and thighs I think) … I am having a lot of fun and loving seeing results in my body… Hopefully my experience encourages you! I never quit… I just don’t… Find what works for you! I hope I can give you a great update soon!

The Thin Lady Inside

And then some more…

Hello friends! I read all of your comments to my previous post… thank you for supporting me on my highs and lows! You all rock!

So…. talking about highs (*rolling eyes*) turns out that when I weighed myself on Friday and was all bummed out (and wrote the previous post) I was tempted to eat a big thing of pasta with meat sauce I made… I decided I didn’t care anymore and then, when I served all that food on a plate… I realized it was stupid, crazy and senseless! So… if I gain one pound I am going to eat myself into oblivion just to make me gain more, feel horrible and get even further from my goal? NO!  I put the food away and ate none of it… felt awesome! Proud and happy for my decision! I went to bed pretty hungry I must say! LOL and then in the morning ran to the scale to weigh myself like if my “good action” could “magically” give me the results I expected and “miraculously” I would get the “reward” from it… So… imagine my “surprise” when I see the scale go up even HIGHER! I gained another 1.1 pounds… I blinked repeatedly like if I could make it all go away… like if somehow I could change things by blinking! When I stopped I actually laughed and carried on… didn’t let it bum me too much and it really helped that I went to church to focus on greater (and less carnal) things… At least this body is not eternal! 🙂 My spirit is… and lately I have been too concerned with what I eat or not eat… so much that I have been neglecting my spiritual feeding! I know that part of my obesity might be due to the stress I went through with my dad accompanied by the great amounts of food I ate while going through it… (horrible combination) and I know that I still have to watch what I eat, etc… but I need to quit letting it consume me because this “mindset” and emotional state will not help my weight loss efforts.

So… after church I went out for lunch and did great… I felt actually like some “weight” was lifted off of me… I came home, took a long nap and enjoyed the evening with my family afterwards… Today I weighed almost a pound less… and I laughed again… who cares? I keep doing this… I keep forgetting this is my lifestyle and there’s nothing that can bum me out enough to quit it!

Today I’ve been doing great and got out of my pj’s early! I was actually PUTTING ON my pj’s everyday after I showered! it was like my “outfit of choice” … I am making myself get into my jeans and look a bit better…

So… here I am … Thank you all for commenting!

The Thin Lady Inside

I’m just stopping by but not staying

Hello everybody! I know “my cold weather” seems like something to laugh about when you live in places that get below zero temperatures…. I remember being in Wisconsin and laughing when people said it was cold at 40 degrees… this morning we were at 24 degrees… but … I am telling you… it’s cold for Texas! Again, my friend and I went for our morning walk and we were, again, the only ones out! She said “we are crazy” and she’s right… I like this craziness though!

On a sad, sad note… today I stepped on the scale and went from being overweight to obese! I gained +0.7 pounds and that took me “there” … I had already made “eye contact” with obesity recently (the Wii Fit makes it very clear that you understand “YOU ARE OBESE” when you weigh yourself) but I actually thought “eye contact” would be it… it turns out I stopped by and I am now totally in “obesity territory” … I hope it knows I am “here” just for a brief visit!

Today I was hoping the numbers had actually gone down a bit more… that was not the case… quite the opposite… but at least I am already doing stuff about it… it is still a bummer! I hadn’t been in the “obese range” for about a year and a half! -sigh-

My calorie intake for today is a total of 1396 calories… I exercised and stayed active all day long… so I am quite proud!

The Thin Lady Inside

Ice Cream Makes me hot

Hello everybody… well, here I am…. taking steps on my road to recovery… I feel like an addict that fell again and I am starting to count my days of renewed sobriety! It is hard though… I hate how quick the body gets used to “eating more/eating junk” Yesterday I still ate more calories than I had planned … I was just incredibly hungry all day… but at least I never gave in to the temptation of just “eat it all” but actually held myself together and would just try to kill the cravings with something healthy… I love the combination of fruit, strawberry yogurt, craisins and nuts… so I had that as “dessert” at the end of the day…

Today I weighed myself and it turns out that I weigh even more… so… let’s talk numbers even when I have refused to… I have to face it … I am now 186.5 pounds …. it feels horrible to see/say that number when I had already reached 172.3 pounds … but I am not going to “dwell in the past” or in the “could’ve, would’ve, should’ve-s” and I’ll just continue to move on towards my goal. My goal for this month is to lose 10 pounds… we’ll see how that goes.

Something that is making it easier for me to go back to the good “path” is the fact that I am having trouble sleeping at night… the extra weight and having been eating so many high calorie foods makes me very uncomfortable and … hot! It’s like I am experiencing hot flashes! It is horrible… I find myself covering with a thin blanket in the night and keeping the fan (actually 2 fans) on at night because I get incredibly hot… and then I uncover myself completely because I am hot like a furnace… Then I fall asleep and get cold again so I cover myself and it turns out that just from the movement of covering myself I feel like this rush of flames from hell invade me from head to toes and I am burning again… This has been going on for about the last month… and I know it’s the weight increase and all the calories I’ve been eating that I don’t need! My last super high calorie food was 2 nights ago, when hubby, the girls and I went out for ice cream… we went to “Cold Stone” and I had a big thing of Dark Chocolate/Cheesecake Ice cream with toasted almonds! That night was near to impossible for me to sleep! So… my sleep deprivation and constant being “hot” while my family complains that the apartment is too cold and hubby would love to move out to another room because he can’t stand my fans at night… all that combined is definitely motivating me to go back to eating better/less and exercise again.

Today… will be another good day… an even better day than yesterday as I continue to bring my calorie intake down to the 1250-1400 range.

Before I stop writing though I would like to show off the cake I made for my littlest one… she turned 3 on December 29th and I made an “all strawberry” cake for her… no flavorings, no jell-o… all the strawberry flavor both in the cake and frosting came from real strawberries 🙂 it’s my first strawberry cake and she loved it! (unfortunately I loved it too and I ate all the leftover cream cheese/strawberry frosting by the spoonful)

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The Thin Lady Inside

Back at it

Hello everybody… today… today is the day! My running/walking friend is still on vacation, she’ll be back on Monday… I thought I would wait until she’s back to “get back at it” but 4 days can make a big difference… knowing my metabolism I am sure I can gain 4-5 more pounds or lose 2 …. so… why not lose 2? right? I know I can lose at least 2 just because it’s such “recent weight” … weight from these days of overeating that can come off quickly if I don’t let it sit “longer” … so even when I didn’t go for my morning run I exercised with the Wii Fit and I have already bagged 45 minutes of being “very active” according to my New Fitbit Flex 🙂 … I am already counting calories and looking forward to remain strong from now until I reach my “short term goal” … my immediate goal is to lose the 10 pounds I’ve recently gained… my next “short term goal” is to hopefully get past 170s and into 160s and my goal for this year is to reach 150 pounds. So… I have a very clear set of goals and today is the day when I start taking small steps towards it.

The Thin Lady Inside

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Hello everybody… I am back… we were on vacation, we went to South Padre Island and stayed there 4 days / 3 nights and spent Christmas with my family… I’ve been eating like there’s no tomorrow… just enjoying that hubby is on vacation, celebrating that my dad is fine, relaxing by the beach, soaking in the love of my brother, sister, mom and dad, baking and thanking God for giving my littlest one another year of life… and I’ve gained a total of 10 pounds (these pounds I’ve gained in the last couple of months) … I finally faced the scale and I am not feeling “too bad about it” … January 1st. will be my day to start a whole clean page, write a new chapter and re-start with renewed hopes and expectations…

I am so blessed… to be able to celebrate these days when they could’ve been filled with tears and pain if my dad hadn’t made it… he was so close to dying and our days together were just filled with joy and gratefulness… nothing could ruin that… Here is a picture of all of us together

IMG_9348Praise GOD!

So… for 2014 I have just a few resolutions… I want to…

– Reach 150 pounds

– Spend more time reading my Bible/Praying

– Spend less time online

– Focus on my girls homeschooling

And that’s it… seems like little but it’s a lot… I want to focus on the things that matter and savor each day… not through food… but through it all… 🙂

Oh! I almost forgot… for Christmas I got my Fitbit Flex Tracker… it tracks my steps, sleep and calories… it’s pretty cool! 🙂 Hubby rocks!

Love you all and I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and that 2014 will be a great, happy, healthy year filled of success!

Blessings!

The Thin Lady Inside

One pound a day… for three days…

Hello everybody… that’s what I’ve been doing… one pound a day… each day… for three days… it would be great if I was losing that… but I am gaining it! why? I don’t know… I don’t get it… if anything I am running more consistently… could that be it? Tell me! I am wondering about that but it seems crazy! It doesn’t make sense ! But I am actually starting to believe it… my first plateau occurred when I started running… then while I only walked I lost… I assumed it was the less processed foods and thyroid medication… because … well… I made some other changes not just walk… now that I was pumped about my weight loss… I decided to start running again and I thought “this is it! Now I am really going to lose” and no… I am gaining! and I feel it! I am still in the same calorie count but I am now up to 176 pounds! AGAIN! it is so discouraging! I feel like crying! I had reached 172.6 and little by little… I am back here… I … want… to … cry!