Take 1839 … GO!

Hello everybody! I think I should’ve been named “Caleb” … unfortunately that is a boy’s name… but Caleb means: “Dog that won’t let go” … “stubborn” … but kind of a “good stubbornness” well… I am the good and bad kind of stubborn I guess… So I am here trying another “new thing” … see… I am sticking with losing weight! As you know I did try Trim Healthy Mama… and I still love that plan! I think it is great for many and I’ve seen people solve a whole lot of issues with that plan… and me and my family loved all the ingredients and how all of this super-foods have made us feel… But… I had to realize that even when it was a great thing for many… it was not going to be the thing that helps ME, individually, lose weight! I gave it a good try, I think I was on it for about 4 months, even for Easter I stuck to it… part of my silence here on my blog was 1. I didn’t have anything new to say! 2. I was so certain this would work that I wanted wait to make a big “come back” and show you the “new me” or at least a big improvement! But no! Nothing! Even for Easter I stayed on plan! I didn’t touch any sugar! By now you know me… and when I say “I am doing this” I am doing it! Even when I recently quit my very early morning walks I still continued to exercise in the evenings and still seeing no results! So… I continued to read about it all! And I came to a few conclusions.

1. Trim Healthy Mama Plan is one that encourages, promotes and even requires great amounts of healthy (really healthy) fats (both animal and vegetable fats).

2. I do not have a gall bladder and my metabolism is really slow so I am not sure if eating lots of fats is the best for me… at least not the way I was doing it.

3. I realize that Pearl and Serene (the authors of the THM book) have the best intentions and a lot (A LOT!) of knowledge that serve to help most people… and it’s a healthier thing for most people as well. I love the THM so much that I plan on going back to it once I reach my weight loss goal, with new found knowledge and trying to stay cautious and not as liberal with the amounts of fats I eat but I also realize that they do not have a background in medicine any PHD kind of thing, etc… to know how maybe a few people would probably even be hurt by the genera idea behind the use of fats in THM. (Not that they are not knowledgeable with lots of great stuff, way more than many doctors who won’t care about healthy eating and would just give you pills to lose weight! I am not trying to say anything bad about them!)

4. Reading about it all… I found the “Fast Metabolism Diet” and I have Devoured it, really studied, etc… lots of the concepts and ingredients are just like TRIM HEALTHY MAMA but in many ways there’s way more balance here… The focus (as I read) in the Fast Metabolism Diet is to HEAL your metabolic system … and lose weight as a result! To do so… you have to stick to this plan (STRICTLY) for 28 days (no changes, deviation, adaptations, not at all!) and you teach your body to “remove the stress” that most “weight loss” programs cause to it! You even treat it to a couple days of HIGH (healthy, no wheat/corn/white potatoes) CARBS and NATURAL SUGARS (fruit) each week so the cortisol levels go down! She even emphasizes the vital importance of not getting all stressed out about weight/scale, etc… because she says that your metabolism suffers ENORMOUSLY, slows down even more, stores more fat, etc… with feelings of stress, guilt, etc… And… this lady (Haylie Pomroy)  seems to know a lot about gall bladder issues and the IMPORTANCE of chewing a lot and eating certain things (spices, cilantro, parsley, etc.) to help your body break down the fats when you don’t have a gall bladder because you could actually hurt your liver/pancreas by making them over-work with fats (yes, great fats but still fats) when there is no gall bladder to take part of the “weight” and work-load. In the book you also find the kind of exercises you should do depending on the food you’re eating etc… (high carb days = cardio, high protein days = strength training, higher fat days = massages, relaxation, etc.)

So… after reading/re-reading this book, breaking it down, making notes, researching by myself, etc… I realize that it’s worth a try… I will be letting you know each day how it goes… My first day is today… and I am on Phase 1 (you go through 3 phases each week) and for breakfast I had a generous bowl of oatmeal with blueberries and a cup of mango! Not bad! 🙂 I will be eating in 3 hours again and it will be another fruit… Ah! The sweetness of the fruit which I had never appreciated is greatly welcome right now!

Before today I decided I would splurge during the weekend… It had been a long time since I last ate all the wrong stuff! LOL! I actually couldn’t make myself even take a sip of a soda though… the mere thought of the syrupy drink made me gag! I had pizza from Domino’s on Saturday and it was amazing! (I had last eaten “real pizza” in June 2013) I know I didn’t need to do that but why not? I must say I am very proud that I can at least say that I didn’t lose weight because things just HAVEN’T WORKED for me… rather than because I didn’t really try my best! It was nice to eat with my friends at a restaurant during the weekend and enjoy a cheeseburger and fries! My friend even took a picture of me! She said she couldn’t believe it! and that it was nice to see me not stressed out about calories, ingredients, etc… So… I enjoyed my weekend! I plan on enjoying the next 28 days of metabolic healing… and then maybe, if this works, another 28 days and as many times as necessary to lose all this extra weight and then continue my healthy living with a new approach towards food and less stressed about it all!

So… there you have it… Wish me luck!

The Slow Lady Inside!

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The heart attack…

There’s not much mystery here… I wish the title of this post was “figuratively speaking” or just “an expression” or just an exaggeration  but it is not… and I thought it would be good for me to post this here since it has to do with health issues and lack of a proper diet and exercise…

I got a phone call at midnight and hubby told me the number was a Mexican number… I rushed to try and dial back but just dialed a wrong number… I was more asleep than awake and I apologized to the poor guy who I woke up with my phone call… hung up and dialed again, ever so slowly, with my foggy brain due to sleepiness and worry… why did someone from my family in Mexico call? Why that late? I hope everyone is ok… and then …

Ring, ring

my sister: “Hello”

Me: “You called? what’s going on”

my sister (sounding worried): “uh, well… sorry for calling so late, um, something happened, there was a little incident with dad… um… he is in the hospital………”

Me (listening to my heart and afraid to ask more and anxious to hear more at the same time): “WHAT HAPPENED?”

My sister: “Well, he had pain on his chest and we thought we should take him to the doctor, he kept saying no but we got really worried, when we got there the doctors did an Electrocardiogram and they said he had a heart attack, but the worst was two days ago, he just hadn’t said anything”

Me: “what??? how?”

My sister: “I don’t have more details, I guess they’ll give us more information during the day, we just know that this heart attack actually started two days ago… he just didn’t say anything, but he is more stable now”

after that we just talked a little bit more … I was foggy wondering if he’d be fine, thanking God this didn’t happen while he was on his own when my sister and mom were here for a few days for Thanksgiving… I know he would’ve just slept through it … and maybe wouldn’t have woke up…

The thought terrified me… The thought of losing him… wondering if the last time I saw him, in July, was the last time I saw him… I talk with him often on the phone but… when I saw him… did I hug him enough? did I show him my love enough? I just love that man! I am a daddy’s girl! I am angry with him for not taking care of himself… He was sick about two years ago and they said his heart was enlarged… high blood pressure was a big concern as well and he only seemed concerned about his food and exercised for a few weeks after being released from the hospital, he promised he’d take care of himself… until the “scare” became another memory and “feeling good” seemed like “permission to eat anything he wants” … I remember when I lived in Mexico, my dad and I were partners in crime many times… eating tacos from the street before getting home just to eat dinner AGAIN … stopping at gas stations for a big, cold soda and chips and laughing about our “sneakiness” … it doesn’t seem that funny anymore… and I do love all our memories, we’re both very similar… witty, funny, sarcastic and at times irreverent… there’s a comedian inside him… and I know there’s one inside of me too (hey maybe that’s why I am fat… there’s a thin lady inside of me AND a comedian!) … I understand HIM… and he “gets me” as well.. we laugh a lot… and we’re both impersonators… but… overeating is an addiction, obesity is one of the side effects! This is not something to laugh about (even if I am too used to making jokes about it!!)… obesity and its consequences are serious… this is not funny! … Fat people are the “stars” from many jokes, comedies, tv shows… but it’s not a happy (or long) life… not for the obese person or for their loved ones. Overeating is an addiction and eating junk is a selfish/destructive behavior with many victims! My dad is not necessarily obese…. he is overweight… but even thin people who don’t watch what they eat are going to pay the consequences of their unhealthy lifestyle… My dad is 64 and should be healthier than this. I love him and I hope he’ll be all better soon!

Pray that my dad will be better… and that he will have another chance to take care of himself.

The Thin Lady Inside

Day 11 – 79 to Go: Barely made it!

Hello everybody! Yesterday (Friday) was overall ok… My littlest one was still sick, nothing major she just has a cold and seems very clingy, whenever my kids get sick,even if just a little bit, I get very stressed out… stress… not a good thing for someone who is trying to keep food addiction controlled! I managed to do ok still during the day, watching what I ate, etc… then my friend (running pal) she finally returned from camp, I was very excited, making plans in my mind of my week ahead and things looked like this in my head: “walking everyday in the morning with her, running at night! Great!!” BUT, she told me she is leaving again for vacation, she is leaving today to a beach in Florida and will be gone all week with her family, so she needs someone to go take care of her dogs, twice a day, morning and evening, for the week… I am of course thrilled to help! She is my friend, she’s there for me all the time, it’s the least I can do for her… But… again… changing plans in my head isn’t a good thing either… Now… I am not looking forward to this week at all! It means in the morning I’ll have to go to her house to take care of her dogs, feed them, get them in the yard, make sure they have water and feed the fish, I am thinking I will have to do that before hubby goes to work that way I don’t have to get the girls out later (my friend left her daughter’s car with me because I don’t have one now). So, no going to the gym in the morning because I’ll use that time for the dogs…. I don’t want to take the girls with me later because (sorry if I sound crazy paranoid) but because they have a very nice house (my friends) and I am afraid someone could break in in the night and what if someone is there! I don’t know… the house is so big I get afraid of those things… I’ve heard there have been break-ins in that area lately… and I don’t want to go by myself with my little ones and expose us all to anything… PLUS, my girls are terrified of the dogs and being on my own with the girls hugging my legs screaming while I try to feed and give water to the dogs is honestly an almost impossible task! Last time the younger dog ran away from me and got out of the fence and also tangled the leash around my ankles because she’s full of energy and gets too excited to get out so… it’s a bunch of things that make it hard for me to think about taking the girls… anyway… then at night, I think hubby will have to be the one going to visit those dogs which means the time I use to exercise while he plays with the girls “is gone” for the week… I know it’s probably way worse in my mind than it actually will be in real life… I guess the worst thing is just the fact that I had already “planned out my week” *so perfect* and then everything changed… I know I will have to make it work and I will be fine… I guess it just wasn’t a good day to receive “the news” for me already… So… I was feeling anxious and feeling like eating! Then hubby came back with still plenty potato salad that I sent with him for the potluck… I love that stupid potato salad (LOL) so I just opened the bowl and started eating… I am so happy I stopped myself “on time” before ruining my whole day! I just put it away and in the fridge… I kept trying to open the fridge and then would just stop myself SEEING what I was doing!!! It was a struggle but I think I managed to get out of it! Unfortunately that potato salad has lots of potatoes (obviously), eggs, bacon and mayo (besides celery, parsley, red onions, apple cider vinegar and mustard), so 1 cup of that salad is plenty of calories!

Here’s how my day ended though:

Calories burned: 2157 (this has been my lowest since I started my 90 days)

Calorie intake: 1554 (this has been my highest since I started as well)

Calorie deficit: 603 -whew-

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… and I am struggling… I’ve been sober for 11 days (although I almost didn’t make it yesterday)… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

Day 10 -80 to go – Steps and Fries!

Hello! Good day everyone! Here I am to continue to write about my journey that started in January 2012, in the beginning my focus was only on losing weight… And I did… I lost 45 pounds but then got stuck… now that my body has refused to lose weight for over a year I have learned lots of things… and even when it would be nice to reach my “weight loss goals” and I still have hopes to do so… my focus is now on being healthy! I’m learning the importance of why I need to do this… I am not saying I “got it” … every day there’s a struggle… some days are harder than others… but I have come a long way… I couldn’t have gotten here without my husband who is so sweet and loves me no matter what… my girls who are a motivation just by “existing” … Just looking at their faces makes me want to do this even more, in the hopes of being healthy for many years and enjoy these years with them in an active way not passive! And my friends… both IRL and online! I am so blessed! My friends IRL don’t even know of this blog… but they do support me and encourage me… and online… well.. you are so special! You know who YOU are (Tiff, Shadow, Jackie,  Dave and THL – I miss ya – ) Thank you!

So… I hadn’t planned to start thanking but I guess I should always start that way! Because I know it would be WAY harder to finish every good day without you!

Yesterday was a good day…  It could’ve definitely been better but I think I did what I could with what I had… Hubby had a day off so we didn’t set any alarm for the morning, we never have that “luxury” since even on Sunday we are on the run with church… once we woke up the day was just really busy! Since the morning, going to the car dealership (I don’t have a car AGAIN!!! but that’s a very long story that includes not covered warranties and lots of bureaucracy, hopefully it will all be solved soon) so, car dealership (and you know that takes hours!!!) then did some grocery shopping at Sam’s… then unload everything in the house, we can’t take any time doing anything else with the groceries in the car with this heat… the heat index was 107 F!!! then it was past time for lunch (after 2 p.m.) so we headed to Chick-Fil-A, thank God for “good options” at restaurants! I had their Market Salad with Grilled Chicken for only 180 calories! But beware! This salad can be dangerous if you add all the “toppings” that they give you to add to it! I always check what’s there! Almonds and Walnuts, Granola and Dressing can take this salad to 460 calories in a second… which still isn’t a bad number at all for “eating out” but I just had to make sure I stayed away from those because I couldn’t afford all those calories, I only used 1/2 of the Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing Packet they give you to add only 50 calories to the salad.

Then we headed to another grocery store to continue our shopping, and the girls took turns to go to the restroom so I had to go across the store at least 3 times (once for myself, once for the oldest, once for the littlest one!) when it was all done at about 5 p.m. I checked my fitbit and I was a bit disappointed I had only walked about 6000 steps for the whole day!

I still had to put some groceries away, feed hungry mouths, make a potluck dish for hubby (he specifically requested my potato salad which involves a lot of chopping) and make a test for some camo-cupcakes that someone ordered from me for next week… I had to do the test yesterday to make sure I had time to “make mistakes” since I’ve never made these before… that way I still have some days left to keep experimenting and/or buying any ingredient I don’t have… you should’ve seen me… running to put the girls in bed, putting groceries away, chopping stuff and whisking almost all at once! Even when I was whisking I was running in place trying to get more activity in!

When I finished with all that I was at almost 8000 steps but exhausted! I think I was exhausted mainly from the heat outside! It was brutal! Even the A/C in the car can’t keep up with it! It starts getting cool in the car when we’re already in our destination! The heat and humidity can really drain you out… It was by then 9 in the evening and I don’t go running on my own at 9! Not even to the gym  of the apartments (being that I’ve already been scared there as well) so I had to walk fast in place in front of the TV for 20 minutes to finally just collapse on the couch after having just completed my 10,000 steps for the day! I was disappointed but the day still ended good… Just from the extra activities my day ended like this:

Calorie intake: 1206

Calories burned (total): 2,280

Calorie deficit: 1,074

Once the show we were watching was over, I took a shower and headed to bed hoping to have a good night of rest, but that’s when my littlest one woke up crying and with a slight fever… she couldn’t sleep well the whole night and I had to keep observing her, she stayed with me in bed, poor hubby had to sleep on the couch… but it was necessary, she kept “twitching” and waking up all night… I think the heat got to her! she is still very little! I kept making sure all day long they drank water and stayed as “cool” as possible, but the drastic changes of temperature (from an oven outside to a freezer inside every store/restaurant) and just the heat when we get in the car… must have done it! Today we are laying it low and I even cancelled a playdate we had planned for today… I just want to let her rest and recover from yesterday. In the end she probably walked over 20,000 steps with her 2 yr. old legs (she never wants to sit in the little seat from the shopping cart)

So… that’s it for today… I was going to tell you about some Sweet Potato Fries I made on Monday and I keep forgetting about it… right now… well… it’s obvious I remembered but now I wrote too much and my littlest one needs me… So I guess I will share about that tomorrow!

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 10 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Day 9 – 81 to go: No excuses!

Hello everybody! Yesterday was a busy, busy day… but all in a good way! First thing in the morning I went for a quick trip to the grocery store before hubby had to leave for work, I was going to have people over and I had no idea what I was going to offer them, I had people coming for lunch and also for dinner… Lunch would be like “picnic” food since we would all swim at the pool (after taking my allergy medicine and getting lots of medicated lotion for my skin to keep it from bursting into a horrible rash from the chlorine in the pool water), so, trip to the grocery store, picking up the house, doing dishes, people came over at 10:00, swam in the pool, then lunch, then getting ready for my appointment with the Rheumatologist to see if there’s anything wrong with me or not… (will get the results next week)… then came back home (it was 4:30 by then), fixed dinner for our guests who would get here at 6:00, did dishes, served dinner and… AND… escaped to the gym while our guests were here… thankfully our guests were the husband of my running pal (she’s working as a leader at a youth camp this week) and his son, so it wasn’t anything formal and I thought it would be good for me to leave “the guys” alone to talk to be able to get my run in! I totally could’ve had the excuse of “I have guests, I can’t leave” and even when hubby wasn’t thrilled about me leaving them in charge of “the kids” he knew I had to do it! I of course couldn’t disappear from the scene for too long so I decided to go for only 45 min. The treadmill was unfortunately busy so I used the elliptical for the first 35 mins. (I don’t enjoy the elliptical but it was good! My calves are burning right now). and then when the treadmill was free I ran for 10 min. there. Came back home took a shower and proceeded to join the conversation with our guest.  So… no excuses for me…

About the scale… ehem… well… you know I am not weighing myself in for 90 days, that’s my current goal, well, yesterday at the doctor’s they weighed me, I actually closed my eyes when they did to avoid looking, but then when I opened them and looked to the side to not see “the scale” I saw what the nurse wrote… I am not even going to tell you the number because I don’t even care and also because I had just had lunch, water and was wearing shoes when I was weighed… you can tell is a bigger number than I’d like it to be, right? but… anyway… I truly didn’t care… and I continue strong in my “no weigh in” goal! Hubby laughed when he saw my efforts to “not look” and then when he saw my expression change because I had “looked” without wanting to… he said “are you ok?” and he seemed surprised when I truly didn’t let it bother me at all…

I ended my day with a calorie deficit of 1246 calories, I don’t burn as much on the elliptical as I do when I run… even when I feel I make a bigger effort on it… weird! … My calorie intake for the day was 1174 and I am happy to say that I actually ate more fruit than I usually do.

It was a great, successful day! Where I didn’t allow myself to make any excuses…

And talking about no excuses, I told you in a previous post that my sister has started eating healthy and exercising, well today was her first week weigh-in and she lost 4 pounds! I am THRILLED for her! And I will make a happy dance when she leaves me behind and reaches her own goals! I couldn’t want anything less for my wonderful sister! I am so proud of her for resisting a ton of temptations this week!

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 9 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

Singing the same song

I should write a country song or some sad, heart-felt blues….

“I’ve been trying to lose it… I’ve been working really hard

I’ve done everything I can … and I am still in the same place

I don’t know when it will go away… I am hungry and in pain

and this weight resists to leave me alone… I can’t take it anymore…” oooh! Ooooh!

(I hope it sounds the same in your head as it sounds in mine) It sounds pretty cool… lol! But it’s a sad, sad song… I am still struggling with my weight… As you know I started the thyroid hormone treatment about 3 weeks ago (right?) well… I saw some weight loss after a few days… and then … wham! I gained it all back and more… I had reached 177 pounds and I am back at 183… within TWO days I gained over 5 pounds… it was just PAINFUL to watch! And I can’t even say “my scale is lying” because even my husband came home from work one night and this is how our conversation went right when he saw me:

Hubby: “whoa! Are you ok???”

Me: “what? Why??!”

Hubby (now afraid to say something): “ummm… you ummm, I don’t know… are you swollen?”

(he knows I get an allergic reaction when I get in the pool and I swell and get all bloated and a horrible rash on the face… so I’ve stayed away from the pool! of course!)

Me: “not that I know” (hesitating and touching my face alarmed)

Hubby: (getting closer to me… inspecting me, inquisitively) oh, ok… mmm I think you look really bloated…

Me: (running to the mirror, and seeing me the same way I saw myself all day long) “ummm… I had just thought I was having a “fat day”  but I guess it’s not just in my mind huh”

-sigh- … My shorts feel tighter around the waist, my face does look bigger, I am a mess!

I do have a rash from the last time I got in the pool but it’s on my elbows and legs, my skin is really sensitive so I can’t even shave myself right now (sorry! TMI!) so I feel like a horrible, bloated, hairy monster! -sigh- (sorry about the mental picture)

It’s incredible! I just scheduled another appt. with the doctor… I’ll have it today… that’s why I’ve been away from the blog again, nothing to report except weight gain… Right now I am trying to eat ONLY 1200 calories in the day… Today I had already burned over 1000 calories by 6:30 a.m. after bootcamp and a walk… I don’t know what else to do…

The Thin Lady Inside

Daily weigh-in

Well, as I mentioned before, now that we’ve found the root cause behind my inability to lose weight for a whole year regardless of my (obsessive) calorie counting and discipline exercising, etc… I have decided to weigh myself everyday again to see when the “improvements” start showing and keep close track of every variation… today… I weighed myself and there’s no change… not one ounce of weight gain or loss… which is good! I am thankful for not seeing weight gain… so my weight is: 181 pounds… My goal is to have lost 3 pounds in a month… that is not a lot for a “healthy person” but for me, I think it’s a good goal hoping that the medication starts working… I think it’s not too unrealistic but I must be prepared to not even reach that goal… I hope to do so!

My day yesterday was good, I ate 1834 calories and burned a total of 2416 cals. Right now I am not going too low in my calorie count because of the “condition” but I am still trying to have a calorie deficit of 750 everyday -although yesterday it was only 582-! I’d say my “food related sin” yesterday were cheetos… we went to the beach and I packed sandwiches, pistachios, hummus and crackers to munch on… Hubby bought those cheesy temptations and I ate them too! we walked by the ocean and when we came back I went to the gym and spent an hour there, walked and ran, I only ran 2 miles but walked 2 more there, I burned 624 calories and felt great afterwards! I don’t let any day pass without exercising! Today I was supposed to go to bootcamp from 5-6 but hubby had a Bible Study at 6 so he had to leave earlier (5:40 a.m.) so I had to stay home instead (we have two little ones and it didn’t make sense to get up at 4:30 a.m. drive to bootcamp just to be there only 25 minutes and drive back to be here before he left) so I just slept longer this morning… I will try to go to the gym when he gets home from work tonight.

Now… let’s face the day!

The Thin Lady Inside