Hello everybody… well, here I am…. taking steps on my road to recovery… I feel like an addict that fell again and I am starting to count my days of renewed sobriety! It is hard though… I hate how quick the body gets used to “eating more/eating junk” Yesterday I still ate more calories than I had planned … I was just incredibly hungry all day… but at least I never gave in to the temptation of just “eat it all” but actually held myself together and would just try to kill the cravings with something healthy… I love the combination of fruit, strawberry yogurt, craisins and nuts… so I had that as “dessert” at the end of the day…
Today I weighed myself and it turns out that I weigh even more… so… let’s talk numbers even when I have refused to… I have to face it … I am now 186.5 pounds …. it feels horrible to see/say that number when I had already reached 172.3 pounds … but I am not going to “dwell in the past” or in the “could’ve, would’ve, should’ve-s” and I’ll just continue to move on towards my goal. My goal for this month is to lose 10 pounds… we’ll see how that goes.
Something that is making it easier for me to go back to the good “path” is the fact that I am having trouble sleeping at night… the extra weight and having been eating so many high calorie foods makes me very uncomfortable and … hot! It’s like I am experiencing hot flashes! It is horrible… I find myself covering with a thin blanket in the night and keeping the fan (actually 2 fans) on at night because I get incredibly hot… and then I uncover myself completely because I am hot like a furnace… Then I fall asleep and get cold again so I cover myself and it turns out that just from the movement of covering myself I feel like this rush of flames from hell invade me from head to toes and I am burning again… This has been going on for about the last month… and I know it’s the weight increase and all the calories I’ve been eating that I don’t need! My last super high calorie food was 2 nights ago, when hubby, the girls and I went out for ice cream… we went to “Cold Stone” and I had a big thing of Dark Chocolate/Cheesecake Ice cream with toasted almonds! That night was near to impossible for me to sleep! So… my sleep deprivation and constant being “hot” while my family complains that the apartment is too cold and hubby would love to move out to another room because he can’t stand my fans at night… all that combined is definitely motivating me to go back to eating better/less and exercise again.
Today… will be another good day… an even better day than yesterday as I continue to bring my calorie intake down to the 1250-1400 range.
Before I stop writing though I would like to show off the cake I made for my littlest one… she turned 3 on December 29th and I made an “all strawberry” cake for her… no flavorings, no jell-o… all the strawberry flavor both in the cake and frosting came from real strawberries 🙂 it’s my first strawberry cake and she loved it! (unfortunately I loved it too and I ate all the leftover cream cheese/strawberry frosting by the spoonful)
The Thin Lady Inside