I never give up…

Hello peeps, if there’s anybody still around… or if anybody stops by and realizes that there was a long, long time since I last posted and that my last few posts were all about my struggle to find out the reasons why I didn’t seem to be able to lose weight… Just in case anybody wondered what happened to the lady who was looking for the thin-lady-inside of her… I am still here… I just want you to know that no matter what… no matter the struggles… I just DON’T GIVE UP! That’s right! … And while my weight kept slowly (and sometimes not so slowly) but surely creeping up… I never quit my battle against obesity… and while I did reach the 200’s again I didn’t gain all my weight back….

My last resort has been to invest in an expensive gym membership (which included 5 sessions with a fitness trainer and some blood work)

The blood work said what I already knew… Everything looks amazing in paper! They can tell I eat healthy and I exercise because the glucose is spot on, ideal numbers for triglycerides, HDL cholesterol, LDL cholesterol, blood pressure EVERYTHING! … They did a cardio test and they also were able to prove that I wasn’t lying when I said I exercise every day! They got me on the elliptical and it did nothing! High resistance and incline and I was feeling like I was sitting on a couch! My hear rate was so stable and not spiking… I could talk through the whole test… it was… GREAT! The trainer said: Wow, you really are strong… and I even told him when everything was done: “Sorry, I just have to ask… am I the healthiest fat person you’ve ever helped?” I could tell he was afraid to answer … Poor guy! but he finally said: “I am going to have to say yes to that!” LOL… So he started explaining to me that my body had just simply adapted to EVERYTHING I DO… Yes… everything! Including the 10 mile walks, the eating healthy, everything! And when the discouragement came and I did eat out of my normal, healthy stuff… of course I saw even an increase… and that was doing it! So what am I doing now?

  1. Weight Lifting… I had never tried that and the trainer highly recommended it (plus I’ve always had the goal of looking somewhat like a bodybuilder… I know… it might seem crazy… but I really reach for that!)
  2. Switching things around more both with the food and the exercise… in regards to food I am sticking to strictly healthy stuff, avoiding grains but not excluding them, continuing to live a “sugar free lifestyle”, and sticking to what I already used to do of no artificial junk and stuff like that… BUT now I am just making sure that I am not always “eating the same” everyday… adding more fish to my diet and like my trainer said: “When things stop working, change things up a bit”
  3. I am not focusing on the scale…. After 2 weeks of all the training and sticking to my healthy food… I felt stronger yet the scale said I had lost only 2 pounds (what!? I am still walking 10 miles, plus 1 hour of cardio and 1 hour of weights! How can that be?) well… looking deeper into it… and with the right equipment… ALL THE OTHER NUMBERS told a more encouraging story… I had lost 7.5 pounds of fat during those 2 weeks… yet gained 4.5 pounds of lean mass… AMAZING! Had I not known those details I know I would’ve let the 2 pounds be very discouraging! All that work for NOTHING??? BUT …. Now I know I have to REALLY trust other things more than the number on the scale… How do I feel? Am I getting stronger? How do the clothes feel? Etc… and I can’t let the scale ruin all those other tangible victories!
  4. Resting… With this I am still struggling… I have to trust what the trainer said about letting my body rest… I get this weird anxiety if I relax… I feel like I can’t sit or not train for a day because I will get huge… like… on that day! and this takes me to the next point…
  5. Training my mind as well… I am learning a lot about neuroplasticity… which is basically how our thinking affects our brains and our bodies… it might sound like it’s not something serious but being healthy involves our minds too… I have to change the way I think about myself… and even quit the negative thoughts that tell me “I’ll never get to accomplish something” and learn to relax, enjoy and not obsess.

strong

So … there you see me in the blurry picture above… I have those bands in my legs, I walk sideways with those and it is a great strength exercise for my legs (hips and thighs I think) … I am having a lot of fun and loving seeing results in my body… Hopefully my experience encourages you! I never quit… I just don’t… Find what works for you! I hope I can give you a great update soon!

The Thin Lady Inside

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Ok I did it…

Hello everyone… So… in my previous post I shared about how I started to see the numbers go up on the scale again little by little, first +0.4 then +0.7 and I began to think about the reasons why this could be when everything seemed to be going “so good” … I thought maybe I needed to have one of those days where I eat more to kind of get my body going again but I was doubtful, hesitant and scared about doing that… what if I just gained more weight without any results? But still did it… I ate good for the whole day and then at night I ate more than I usually do, not junk food, just more and more of a “regular meal” without worrying about my usual calorie counting … I had meatloaf (still lean beef and my “healthier meatloaf” recipe with pace salsa in it and no bacon and without a ketchup/mustard/brown sugar glaze on top, I also had a baked red potato with butter) and 1 homemade oatmeal/chocolate chip cookie. It felt good to just “eat” I didn’t weigh-in the next day (yesterday) I didn’t want to freak out from seeing the numbers possibly go higher in the morning from the bigger dinner the night before but what I did instead was “RUN again” … As you know my running pal doesn’t want to run anymore… she just wants to walk… and I understand it… she doesn’t enjoy running very much and also there’s no much motivation in it for her because she doesn’t burn that much more calories running vs walking (Weird) … she burns WAY more calories than I do walking but then I kill it running… so we walk… we just walk… and talk… and it’s very enjoyable but I do need to do something else to get my heart rate going… So now that her kids are back in school we’ve been going earlier for our walks and that means I get at least 15 more minutes before hubby has to go to work… So.. when we’re done with our walk and I head home I go to the gym in the apartments instead and hop on the treadmill and run for those 15 minutes … It’s amazing! I only get to run about 1.5 miles but it’s better than nothing and I do get my heart rate going faster and burn way more calories… just this morning I had only burned 290 calories in 1 hour of brisk walking and then burned an additional 350 calories in 20 minutes (15 mins. of running and 5 minutes of walking around the apartment complex) … incredible!  I am also slowly starting to incorporate strength training (planks/push-ups/abs) and hopefully that will make a difference as well.

So… I had already reached 174.1 then gained those +0.4 and +0.7 which took me to 175.2 today I am 174.5 so hopefully whatever I am doing (including the “indulging” with a purpose and controlled and scheduled) works and keeps my body guessing enough to make it lose more!

I feel encouraged and motivated on that area… Although I am a little worried because I know that the emotional stuff plays a big role in the weight loss area and right now my heart is heavy and a little anxious about several things, a friend is pregnant in very “special” circumstances and doctors don’t give much hopes for either her or her babies (yes, more than 1) and a team from our church just came back from another of their many Mission Trips to Peru… and the things I heard about the conditions many live there… were just heartbreaking and so many details that I didn’t need to know… I am angry and sad… and … well… I hope I can move on because it’s not like I am making a difference by “getting angry” … right? -sigh-

Anyway… That’s it for now… Today I already did my walking and my running …

The Thin Lady Inside

Day 8 -82 to go: I just couldn’t!

Hello everybody! Here I am… to report, like everyday during these 90 day goal that I have set for myself, how I am doing… Yesterday (Tuesday) was supposed to be my “day of rest” just a day where I wouldn’t do my regular exercise because of something I read where you need to let you body rest for a day not only for the muscles to heal but also to keep the body from “adapting” it’s kind of a “reset button” thing… 🙂 … And I just couldn’t! I couldn’t not exercise! Without my morning walk I was all jittery all day long! It’s not like “I love exercising” … I feel like I haven’t gotten there yet… I always wonder if I ever will… So I was kind of looking forward to not doing a thing! LOL! But I couldn’t… You can still consider it my “day of rest” because I didn’t go to the gym and I didn’t run like I always do… But all day long I kept looking for ways to keep moving otherwise the energy was almost unbearable! LOL! So even while watching TV I would get my Wii Balance Board out and without even turning it on I used it as a “small step” and I did almost 13,000  steps during the day… I reached 6 miles… So… I feel like it was still good “rest” for my body from the High Impact exercises of the week but I didn’t just sit all day!

Then in the night I watched the “Extreme Weight Loss” show! WOW! That was amazing! The show was about this African American girl who talked about how in her culture it seems that in many families (not all)  “bigger is better” and “unhealthy is normal” … everybody in her family had weight issues and diabetes is seen as something you just “get” … they actually discouraged her to lose weight even when she was over 300 pounds…. but this girl was determined and she lost all the weight! Oh my goodness! Her personality was already like “the sun” but when she lost all the excess of weight … WOW! She gained extra confidence and showed the world who she truly is! I was telling my sister today (I already talked to her at 7:30 a.m.) that it’s almost like if they got psychological therapy! I mean the attitude and overall demeanor changes so much when the pounds are gone! But that’s what exercising and eating right does to you! Not only you lose weight! You prove yourself what you’re really made of and how strong you really are when you thought you weren’t! I love it! By the way… My sister (who I had already talked about before), she’s exercising everyday and eating right! I am so proud of her! I look forward to the day when she leaves me behind (being that I struggle so much being stuck in this weight) and that she loses even more weight than I have! She is proud of herself as well… and I can hear it in her voice… THIS IS IT! She is determined and tomorrow will be her first weigh-in (after 1 week) so I pray and hope the scale will be nice to her… still I hope she also remembers what I’ve failed to remember many times… the numbers on the scale don’t determine who I am or If I am being successful… Just the fact that we are doing THIS already makes us successful and says how strong we are! anyway… I am just happy… Well.. the thing is though… that I was going to go to the gym this morning but after my overly-energetic day yesterday I crashed! LOL! And I couldn’t even get up from bed at 6 but it will still be an active day and I hope I will be able to squeeze a run in my busy schedule ahead of me.

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 8 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

-4.3

Hello everybody, that’s what the scale said today… after a few days of not weighing myself… I supposedly lost 4.3 pounds… Don’t get too excited… I had just gained those before… so like usual… I end up at around 177 pounds… that’s good though… I am working hard… yesterday I walked and ran and then spent almost 3 hours in the pool moving around 😛 … I stayed within the 1200’s in calories eaten and today I have my whole food day planned… I went for a run this morning but only walked… the air was thick, hot, humid… My running pal and I, without even saying a word, decided to not run! I guess we were both “on the same page” and didn’t even say “let’s not run”… we just didn’t. I am planning on running on the treadmill later on, there’s A/C in the gym, I am sure it will be easier there.

I am following Jami Witherell   on FB, she rocks! She was on the Extreme Weightloss TV show with Chris Powell  and her story was sooo moving and inspiring! If you haven’t watched the episode you can find it here . Trust me… if you’re struggling with weight-loss issues or even with other stuff like psoriasis or low self-esteem, you want to watch this. Two of the many things I love about this TV show is 1st. Chris Powell is so respectful to the people he is helping and 2nd. you can actually see the whole transformation that occurs within the whole year in ONE episode. I love that! Jami is definitely my favorite success story so far when it comes to weight-loss… (once I get THERE … MY story will be my favorite one! LOL! Sorry Jami!)

So… that’s it for now… I have to get going… Thanks for being here! Thanks for reading! Leave a comment… will ya’?

 

The Thin Lady Inside

I’ve been avoiding this…

The following post is probably a big, incoherent rant…. So….

*** Readers’ Discretion is Advised ***

Ok… -sigh- I am in a pit… In a dark hole right now.. Probably it’s the hardest moment of my whole journey and I don’t even completely understand WHY!

I don’t know what happened… I don’t know how it started… I’ve been meaning to write about it here, to vent, to just try to express it all… with the hopes of making some sense of it and hopefully, once everything is out there I can actually move on…

About 2 weeks ago, I set a new goal for myself… I “reached” my goal of losing 3 pounds in a month, I know it’s not a lot, but those are my “realistic” goals, considering the thyroid issues… The day after I set my new goal I had already gained some of the weight back… I took it calmly, I knew it could happen, with a crazy thyroid it can happen… Then… my girls got sick…. going out for a run at 5 in the morning was impossible when you have two girls crying and one of them is sleeping on top of you to get some comfort from the sniffles, etc… So I guess I lost some steam there, then I got sick and even when I wanted to still go run I just couldn’t… it was too much… I think it was more of a sinus infection, I am not sure, but the headaches and pressure right between my eyes and lack of breath were horrible, so there goes some more steam, then once I felt better I actually had THE URGE to run… so I did… my friend and I went back to our morning routine and it felt great to be back… I didn’t gain any additional weight when I didn’t exercise, I was still watching closely what I ate and the calorie numbers… but then my family came to visit… My mom and sister are obese as I used to be… and I don’t know what happened but something snapped in my trying to encourage and motivate (mainly my sister) to lose weight and exercise… it’s like I was drained… how can that be? I guess I am still in no position to encourage anybody… who knows… 4th of July was my dad’s birthday and I made a cake for him… if you had seen me you would’ve been proud… I didn’t have cake… I watched closely what I ate and regardless of how late I went to bed I still went running in the morning… And then… I saw the scale say +1.3 pounds and then I saw it say +2.2 pounds… and I think the whole overwhelming feeling of trying to convince my sister to lose weight, the “empathy” I felt, the putting myself in her shoes and even going “there” to talk about the horrible emotions of helplessness when you are obese and not seeing a way out… combined with the numbers on my scale saying I had gained weight regardless of all my efforts… brought me here… to the hole! It’s been 3 days … 3 days!!! I start my day right, I eat what I should and by the end of my day I’ve eaten like I had been rescued from a desert island! -sigh-

It’s so frustrating! I know it’s all in my head… and I need to shake it all off… but I guess in my head I am still obese.. super obese… because as soon as I eat “something” I shouldn’t or more than I should… I go THERE… in my mind and even on the mirror I can’t help but see a frustrated, defeated, huge human being that just CAN’T do anything about it! And I know that’s not really who I am … and I know that even my eyes are playing tricks on me because I am still far from being as obese as I was… I now should know, my eyes, my mind should know that I am way stronger than I give myself credit for… that I can overcome this and more!

Anyway… Today I called my sister, who, seemed determined to “change her life” … I just “almost without any strength left in me” asked a shy “have you exercised, yet” and she gave me some excuses… I couldn’t even say anything else, I wasn’t going to even try… I realize the best way I can help her is doing it myself… I can’t convince her or force her into something that is so personal, the decision to BE FREE is individual and yes… sometimes we need help but we need to WANT IT and WANT IT BAD…

Today… Today will be different… I have to keep going.. no matter how far my goal seems I KNOW I CAN! I am thankful for the nudge I got via e-mail from my friend and mentor ShadowRun…. I was already planning on writing here… I just didn’t know where to start… her e-mail just “made it happen” and for her, being there for me, putting up with me regardless of my ups and downs, I am THANKFUL! – Thank you all for reading… Thank you for being friends, support, encouragement…

The Thin Lady Inside.

The good side of my test results

Well, yesterday I finally got all my results back from the lab, everything was posted online for me to see … and even when the results showed I have an underactive thyroid everything else was great! And that just goes to show that I have been definitely doing a great thing for my health!

Since I can remember I’ve always had high triglycerides, even when I was 11 yrs. old! I always thought that was “my normal” … I was a “healthy girl” I wasn’t even overweight… so the high triglyceride levels must have been just that “it was me” … well… something I never did was exercise though… even when I was very young I never engaged in any physical activity so when I saw all my results yesterday I was definitely expecting to see “the usual” very high triglycerides, borderline high cholesterol, etc… well… I was shocked when for the first time in my life all my numbers were IDEAL! everything was well within the normal range and the good cholesterol was great as well! I couldn’t believe it! I am so happy to see these results that just prove that my hard work even if it hasn’t all showed on the scale/mirror because of the thyroid problem it’s definitely improved my health a great deal! I guess I truly am the “Thin Lady Inside” 🙂

Today… well… I already did my weigh-in… and again, didn’t lose or gain an ounce… I am exactly the same, 181 pounds… But definitely feeling encouraged!

The Thin Lady Inside.

Weigh in – I wasn’t trusting it!

Hello everybody… I think that the last time I reported my weight here I was at 179 pounds but even after that I think my scale showed again an increase and I was at 180 yet again… I kept feeling like “it didn’t make any sense” … I have been stuck between 179-182 pounds for almost a year… regardless of my exercising and calorie counting… Some would tell me to just “trust the fitbit/myfitnesspal recommendations, go ahead and eat more”… some others would say “it’s ok to “eat that little” … I didn’t know what to do … I tried them both… and I was still stuck…

In the period of that year I must say that for a few months I didn’t exercise as much… and it’s only been until recently that I got really disciplined and just telling myself “how bad do you really want this?” … that made me take the decision to start running in the mornings (which had always been “taboo” for me! LOL) I never thought I could exercise “that early” but I realized I had no choice! still my weight wouldn’t change much… but I didn’t give up and kept running! I also incorporated “rowing” -with my rowing machine- to my exercises… I do it about 3 times in a week… and still… my weight would go down a little bit… and then up a little bit… and then I started adding more protein and more calories even to my daily intake… I also added fruit and yogurt to my diet… and … well… All I can say is that… all of a sudden… in the period of a week… I lost 3.5 pounds… YES! yesterday my scale said I had lost 3.5 pounds… but I wasn’t trusting it… it was “too good to be true” and I didn’t want to get “too excited” and then find out “the next day” that I had “gained it all back overnight” … so I didn’t say anything yesterday and today I stepped on the scale again… and from yesterday to today I “lost” an additional 1.5 pounds… so I now weigh 175 pounds… all of a sudden… it seems that “my body gets it” … I don’t know… but I’ll take it! My goal is now to eat around 1600-1700 calories a day, and if for some reason in a day I exercise way more then I feel free to eat more, of course still making good choices… instead of 1200-1400, not only it seems more “doable” I can also be more consistent and it’s easier to avoid “sudden cravings” … plus I think it’s just the fuel I need to keep burning… I am still very overweight but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel… I hope my scale doesn’t turn against me again… I am glad I never gave up… there’s no way! There’s no choice!

The Thin Lady Inside