Ice Cream Makes me hot

Hello everybody… well, here I am…. taking steps on my road to recovery… I feel like an addict that fell again and I am starting to count my days of renewed sobriety! It is hard though… I hate how quick the body gets used to “eating more/eating junk” Yesterday I still ate more calories than I had planned … I was just incredibly hungry all day… but at least I never gave in to the temptation of just “eat it all” but actually held myself together and would just try to kill the cravings with something healthy… I love the combination of fruit, strawberry yogurt, craisins and nuts… so I had that as “dessert” at the end of the day…

Today I weighed myself and it turns out that I weigh even more… so… let’s talk numbers even when I have refused to… I have to face it … I am now 186.5 pounds …. it feels horrible to see/say that number when I had already reached 172.3 pounds … but I am not going to “dwell in the past” or in the “could’ve, would’ve, should’ve-s” and I’ll just continue to move on towards my goal. My goal for this month is to lose 10 pounds… we’ll see how that goes.

Something that is making it easier for me to go back to the good “path” is the fact that I am having trouble sleeping at night… the extra weight and having been eating so many high calorie foods makes me very uncomfortable and … hot! It’s like I am experiencing hot flashes! It is horrible… I find myself covering with a thin blanket in the night and keeping the fan (actually 2 fans) on at night because I get incredibly hot… and then I uncover myself completely because I am hot like a furnace… Then I fall asleep and get cold again so I cover myself and it turns out that just from the movement of covering myself I feel like this rush of flames from hell invade me from head to toes and I am burning again… This has been going on for about the last month… and I know it’s the weight increase and all the calories I’ve been eating that I don’t need! My last super high calorie food was 2 nights ago, when hubby, the girls and I went out for ice cream… we went to “Cold Stone” and I had a big thing of Dark Chocolate/Cheesecake Ice cream with toasted almonds! That night was near to impossible for me to sleep! So… my sleep deprivation and constant being “hot” while my family complains that the apartment is too cold and hubby would love to move out to another room because he can’t stand my fans at night… all that combined is definitely motivating me to go back to eating better/less and exercise again.

Today… will be another good day… an even better day than yesterday as I continue to bring my calorie intake down to the 1250-1400 range.

Before I stop writing though I would like to show off the cake I made for my littlest one… she turned 3 on December 29th and I made an “all strawberry” cake for her… no flavorings, no jell-o… all the strawberry flavor both in the cake and frosting came from real strawberries 🙂 it’s my first strawberry cake and she loved it! (unfortunately I loved it too and I ate all the leftover cream cheese/strawberry frosting by the spoonful)

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The Thin Lady Inside

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Could’ve been better, could’ve been worse…

Hello everybody! I feel like I was car sliding at full speed in  a slippery road and I am finally gaining some control and slowing down… Yesterday the day started with lots of struggles but I did defeat them all, then I exercised here at home (not as intense as when I go running out) but at least I stayed active and that helped things but at night I was just super hungry! It’s amazing how quick it is for your body to get used to “eating more” and any feel of “deprivation” makes you want food that much more! So I ate pasta (which I hadn’t planned on doing) and even when nothing was horrible it was more than what I had already planned for the day… The bright side of it all is that I stayed much more controlled than I I had been the previous few days… and my day ended with a calorie intake of 1800… Not horrible… not perfect … but better!

So I am encouraged and looking for my days to continue to improve and the feelings of anxiety to continue to decrease! Today I went to take care of the dogs at my friend’s house for the last time… Hubby will be going tonight and tomorrow morning, thankfully he will not work tomorrow so I will have all the time in the world to go for a good run!

That’s it for now, Good Friday everyone!

The Thin Lady Inside

Day 10 -80 to go – Steps and Fries!

Hello! Good day everyone! Here I am to continue to write about my journey that started in January 2012, in the beginning my focus was only on losing weight… And I did… I lost 45 pounds but then got stuck… now that my body has refused to lose weight for over a year I have learned lots of things… and even when it would be nice to reach my “weight loss goals” and I still have hopes to do so… my focus is now on being healthy! I’m learning the importance of why I need to do this… I am not saying I “got it” … every day there’s a struggle… some days are harder than others… but I have come a long way… I couldn’t have gotten here without my husband who is so sweet and loves me no matter what… my girls who are a motivation just by “existing” … Just looking at their faces makes me want to do this even more, in the hopes of being healthy for many years and enjoy these years with them in an active way not passive! And my friends… both IRL and online! I am so blessed! My friends IRL don’t even know of this blog… but they do support me and encourage me… and online… well.. you are so special! You know who YOU are (Tiff, Shadow, Jackie,  Dave and THL – I miss ya – ) Thank you!

So… I hadn’t planned to start thanking but I guess I should always start that way! Because I know it would be WAY harder to finish every good day without you!

Yesterday was a good day…  It could’ve definitely been better but I think I did what I could with what I had… Hubby had a day off so we didn’t set any alarm for the morning, we never have that “luxury” since even on Sunday we are on the run with church… once we woke up the day was just really busy! Since the morning, going to the car dealership (I don’t have a car AGAIN!!! but that’s a very long story that includes not covered warranties and lots of bureaucracy, hopefully it will all be solved soon) so, car dealership (and you know that takes hours!!!) then did some grocery shopping at Sam’s… then unload everything in the house, we can’t take any time doing anything else with the groceries in the car with this heat… the heat index was 107 F!!! then it was past time for lunch (after 2 p.m.) so we headed to Chick-Fil-A, thank God for “good options” at restaurants! I had their Market Salad with Grilled Chicken for only 180 calories! But beware! This salad can be dangerous if you add all the “toppings” that they give you to add to it! I always check what’s there! Almonds and Walnuts, Granola and Dressing can take this salad to 460 calories in a second… which still isn’t a bad number at all for “eating out” but I just had to make sure I stayed away from those because I couldn’t afford all those calories, I only used 1/2 of the Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing Packet they give you to add only 50 calories to the salad.

Then we headed to another grocery store to continue our shopping, and the girls took turns to go to the restroom so I had to go across the store at least 3 times (once for myself, once for the oldest, once for the littlest one!) when it was all done at about 5 p.m. I checked my fitbit and I was a bit disappointed I had only walked about 6000 steps for the whole day!

I still had to put some groceries away, feed hungry mouths, make a potluck dish for hubby (he specifically requested my potato salad which involves a lot of chopping) and make a test for some camo-cupcakes that someone ordered from me for next week… I had to do the test yesterday to make sure I had time to “make mistakes” since I’ve never made these before… that way I still have some days left to keep experimenting and/or buying any ingredient I don’t have… you should’ve seen me… running to put the girls in bed, putting groceries away, chopping stuff and whisking almost all at once! Even when I was whisking I was running in place trying to get more activity in!

When I finished with all that I was at almost 8000 steps but exhausted! I think I was exhausted mainly from the heat outside! It was brutal! Even the A/C in the car can’t keep up with it! It starts getting cool in the car when we’re already in our destination! The heat and humidity can really drain you out… It was by then 9 in the evening and I don’t go running on my own at 9! Not even to the gym  of the apartments (being that I’ve already been scared there as well) so I had to walk fast in place in front of the TV for 20 minutes to finally just collapse on the couch after having just completed my 10,000 steps for the day! I was disappointed but the day still ended good… Just from the extra activities my day ended like this:

Calorie intake: 1206

Calories burned (total): 2,280

Calorie deficit: 1,074

Once the show we were watching was over, I took a shower and headed to bed hoping to have a good night of rest, but that’s when my littlest one woke up crying and with a slight fever… she couldn’t sleep well the whole night and I had to keep observing her, she stayed with me in bed, poor hubby had to sleep on the couch… but it was necessary, she kept “twitching” and waking up all night… I think the heat got to her! she is still very little! I kept making sure all day long they drank water and stayed as “cool” as possible, but the drastic changes of temperature (from an oven outside to a freezer inside every store/restaurant) and just the heat when we get in the car… must have done it! Today we are laying it low and I even cancelled a playdate we had planned for today… I just want to let her rest and recover from yesterday. In the end she probably walked over 20,000 steps with her 2 yr. old legs (she never wants to sit in the little seat from the shopping cart)

So… that’s it for today… I was going to tell you about some Sweet Potato Fries I made on Monday and I keep forgetting about it… right now… well… it’s obvious I remembered but now I wrote too much and my littlest one needs me… So I guess I will share about that tomorrow!

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 10 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Day 9 – 81 to go: No excuses!

Hello everybody! Yesterday was a busy, busy day… but all in a good way! First thing in the morning I went for a quick trip to the grocery store before hubby had to leave for work, I was going to have people over and I had no idea what I was going to offer them, I had people coming for lunch and also for dinner… Lunch would be like “picnic” food since we would all swim at the pool (after taking my allergy medicine and getting lots of medicated lotion for my skin to keep it from bursting into a horrible rash from the chlorine in the pool water), so, trip to the grocery store, picking up the house, doing dishes, people came over at 10:00, swam in the pool, then lunch, then getting ready for my appointment with the Rheumatologist to see if there’s anything wrong with me or not… (will get the results next week)… then came back home (it was 4:30 by then), fixed dinner for our guests who would get here at 6:00, did dishes, served dinner and… AND… escaped to the gym while our guests were here… thankfully our guests were the husband of my running pal (she’s working as a leader at a youth camp this week) and his son, so it wasn’t anything formal and I thought it would be good for me to leave “the guys” alone to talk to be able to get my run in! I totally could’ve had the excuse of “I have guests, I can’t leave” and even when hubby wasn’t thrilled about me leaving them in charge of “the kids” he knew I had to do it! I of course couldn’t disappear from the scene for too long so I decided to go for only 45 min. The treadmill was unfortunately busy so I used the elliptical for the first 35 mins. (I don’t enjoy the elliptical but it was good! My calves are burning right now). and then when the treadmill was free I ran for 10 min. there. Came back home took a shower and proceeded to join the conversation with our guest.  So… no excuses for me…

About the scale… ehem… well… you know I am not weighing myself in for 90 days, that’s my current goal, well, yesterday at the doctor’s they weighed me, I actually closed my eyes when they did to avoid looking, but then when I opened them and looked to the side to not see “the scale” I saw what the nurse wrote… I am not even going to tell you the number because I don’t even care and also because I had just had lunch, water and was wearing shoes when I was weighed… you can tell is a bigger number than I’d like it to be, right? but… anyway… I truly didn’t care… and I continue strong in my “no weigh in” goal! Hubby laughed when he saw my efforts to “not look” and then when he saw my expression change because I had “looked” without wanting to… he said “are you ok?” and he seemed surprised when I truly didn’t let it bother me at all…

I ended my day with a calorie deficit of 1246 calories, I don’t burn as much on the elliptical as I do when I run… even when I feel I make a bigger effort on it… weird! … My calorie intake for the day was 1174 and I am happy to say that I actually ate more fruit than I usually do.

It was a great, successful day! Where I didn’t allow myself to make any excuses…

And talking about no excuses, I told you in a previous post that my sister has started eating healthy and exercising, well today was her first week weigh-in and she lost 4 pounds! I am THRILLED for her! And I will make a happy dance when she leaves me behind and reaches her own goals! I couldn’t want anything less for my wonderful sister! I am so proud of her for resisting a ton of temptations this week!

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 9 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

Day 7 – 83 to go: No running pal!

Hello everybody… Here I am to report how yesterday went! It was the 7th day of this 90 day program that I’ve made for myself in hopes of “shocking my body” and hopefully seeing some difference… The “rules” for these 90 Days are:

1. No scale

2. Exercising consistently – no excuses – (I was already doing that, I am just trying to do it twice a day now instead of only once) – except for one day of rest in the week –

3. Staying at 1200-1400 calories (trying to hit the 1200 rather than the 1400)

If you’ve been following this blog you know I haven’t lost weight for a long year (a little more than that) regardless of the fact that I SHOULD be losing because I always have a calorie deficit… BUT after I found out that I have some issues (not major) with my thyroid, etc… I realized getting rid of the rest would be harder than I thought… And the problem I was running into was that I was eating more than 1200 calories every day… and then I would get discouraged because I wouldn’t see any change on the scale and I would just go into BINGING mode…  so I am sure that wasn’t helping my “weight loss efforts” particularly with the slower metabolism I have … I can’t afford those days of discouragement and excuses! So… I decided to do this for 90 days, as strictly as I can and without looking at the numbers on a scale! Those just bring me down! And hopefully, after these 90 days… I will see even if at least a little bit of change… or even if just more strength to keep going!

So… Yesterday was my 7th day… My running pal is on a summer camp right now (watching after middle schoolers) so I am on my own this week… Our morning walks are suspended for the week just because it’s too dark outside for me to go on my own (we have had several “scares” the two of us together so I can’t risk it on my own). I will be going to the gym in the mornings instead for my walk … yesterday, I just couldn’t get up to go to the gym in the morning though… I went to bed at 12:30 a.m. and then my girl (4 yr. old) was coughing at night and ended up sleeping by me so in the morning I came back to consciousness at 8:30 a.m. when hubby had already left for work) But at night I went to the gym when he arrived and I ran for an hour on the treadmill… It felt intense but it was really good! I burned over 700 calories there. I had to make some adjustments with my eating and skim my nightly ice cream treat because I used all of my calories during the day… I was just hungry! And that’s what I’ve noticed about not exercising in the morning, it makes it harder for me to stay in control with the food during the day (weird!) So I ate 1400 calories and burned a total of 2500 calories, giving me a calorie deficit of 1100 for the day! Which is good (but I always want MORE!).

It was a good day overall… Let’s see how it goes today… Tuesdays are my day to rest and I won’t be running… I will have to keep my calories down today… I am looking forward to watching “Extreme Weight Loss” tonight! It’s always a great motivator!

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 7 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

Day 6 – 84 to go: The good side of a bad day

Hello everybody… If you were here around Saturday you know how hard that day was for me… You can see it here and here  … so… anyway… it was a VERY, VERY hard day but in the end I managed to stay in control and didn’t succumb to temptation! Well… let me tell you what good came from it… The next day was MUCH EASIER! Just having overcome all the temptations, not giving in to food and not falling into my very well known old bad habits made me feel powerful! While the struggle lasted I wondered if I would be able to do it… I felt weak, I felt helpless… But once the day was gone and the new day started everything looked different! I was ready to GO! I was ready to face the day! I felt strong and my whole attitude was like “I got this” … So… Sunday morning started with my early walk with my friend, it rained a little but not as much… BY THE WAY… is it possible for tennis shoes to shrink? If you read my previous post you’ll know I ended up walking in the rain… and then I threw my running shoes in the dryer (was that wrong?) and I feel like they shrunk!? They’re so tight they’ve hurt my big toe from my left foot and I got blisters on the back side by my ankle on my right foot… (OUCH!!!) … anyway… I still walked (almost limping due to the shrinking of the shoes… which still doesn’t make any sense to me) had a good breakfast afterwards, went to church and then went to Whataburger for lunch BUT even there I didn’t have fries, had a chicken sandwich without any mayo or cheese and drank lots of water with it… When I came home I started making a cake… we have a Bible Study here at home usually on Sunday nights and I always try to make some dessert… so, while the cake was in the oven I cleaned up my kitchen while hubby cleaned the carpets (if you’ve read this blog before you know I am married to Mr. Clean and he tries to clean the carpets at least once a week) … so, once the cake was out of the oven and as it cooled off I put on my small tennis shoes and went running (when I actually just wanted to take a nap!) I ran for 40 mins. on the treadmill (my feet didn’t feel too bad although the blisters didn’t get any better) and then came back home to do the frosting of the cake, give the girls a bath and put them in bed! Our Bible Study starts at 8 and it was 7:45 when I started putting them in bed, thankfully they fell asleep rather quick and I just jumped into the shower real quick and managed to still be soaking wet when our friends arrived (they’re our best friends, it’s just another couple, so, it’s ok if I am dripping, right? LOL) they oooh’d and aaaah’d  over my cake and then we just had coffee with it (don’t worry! I didn’t eat any cake… I just had my ice cream treat) so… My day ended like this:

Calorie intake: 1206

Calories burned from exercise: 960

Total calorie burn for the day: 2885

Total Calorie deficit: 1679

So… that’s it for now…  Thank God that even a bad day has a good side… of course it only works that way if you stay strong on that bad day! 🙂

What? Want to see the cake I made? Ok… here it is:

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You can better appreciate the color here because of the natural light outside

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Not the best picture, not the best lighting but here it is. I sure was in a hurry.

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Chocolate inside!

The Thin Lady Inside

Day 4 – 86 Days to Go

Hello! Day 4 of my “90 days without a scale, eating healthy ALL THE TIME and exercising at least twice a day instead of once” went great…

I walked in the morning, 3.5 miles, then came back home and had a “Muller” for breakfast (and coffee)… have you tried that Greek Yoghurt by Quaker? Muller? it’s good! I love Greek Yoghurt and the fruit in this one is really good!  it’s almost as good as if you had bought fresh fruit and just pureed it yourself! I am lovin’ it!

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 I then took a nap (have I mentioned I am still very tired? We’ll see what the tests say about that) later the day went as usual, cleaning, feeding the girls, singing with them, homeschooling my 4 yr. old, etc… Normal stuff. Later I even did my rowing machine again (it’s been a while) and I was disappointed to see I could only do 10 mins. on it (man! THAT’s HARD!!) I can’t believe I was already doing 40 min. in a row! (no pun intended).

Later in the evening, as soon as hubby got home from work I walked out the door to go to the gym… I try not to stay around too long when he gets home because I enjoy being with him so much that I will not want to leave if we start talking! So, I had his dinner ready and I myself was with the keys in my hand ready to just “run away” from him and the temptation of just sitting on the couch to watch TV with him… “let’s get this over with” was my kind of attitude! … I went to the gym and ran 35 mins. on the treadmill (yes, it gets boring there, but 7 p.m. in Texas is still pretty sunny and hot, I am not running outside at 97 degrees and with 85% humidity! I know my limitations) I burned about 550 calories for a total of a little over 1000 calories burned from exercise (morning walk/rowing machine/evening run)… NOT BAD!

I had a calorie deficit of about 1500! for the day! My calorie intake was 1238… I am very proud of myself!

Yesterday I did have some more of my traditional temptations come my way… I also struggled with some “ol’ way of thinking” and “horrible bad habits” but I am happy I identified them all and defeated them! My two biggest temptations yesterday were:

1. My little one didn’t eat all of her food… I could’ve just finished it, yes, I am embarrassed to admit it but I used to do that all the time.

2. There was a pot of leftover delicious rice (rice, pasta and potatoes are big weaknesses for me) on the stove top… I felt like eating it all with a spoon, I actually GRABBED THE SPOON!!! but instead of putting it in my mouth (like I wanted to) I was strong enough to clear the area quickly, put the rice in a container and in the fridge, once I wiped it all with spray cleaner I felt much better and at ease. (it’s weird how these “attacks” come! it’s almost like something stronger than you! I could swear I am going to start shaking from wanting to eat something SOOO BAD!)

So… I had a very successful day! I must say I KNOW not weighing myself is a big part of it! Because I know if I had seen “the numbers” in the morning and I hadn’t lost any weight I would’ve found it harder to have any strength to resist the temptations.

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 4 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside