Day 7 – 83 to go: No running pal!

Hello everybody… Here I am to report how yesterday went! It was the 7th day of this 90 day program that I’ve made for myself in hopes of “shocking my body” and hopefully seeing some difference… The “rules” for these 90 Days are:

1. No scale

2. Exercising consistently – no excuses – (I was already doing that, I am just trying to do it twice a day now instead of only once) – except for one day of rest in the week –

3. Staying at 1200-1400 calories (trying to hit the 1200 rather than the 1400)

If you’ve been following this blog you know I haven’t lost weight for a long year (a little more than that) regardless of the fact that I SHOULD be losing because I always have a calorie deficit… BUT after I found out that I have some issues (not major) with my thyroid, etc… I realized getting rid of the rest would be harder than I thought… And the problem I was running into was that I was eating more than 1200 calories every day… and then I would get discouraged because I wouldn’t see any change on the scale and I would just go into BINGING mode…  so I am sure that wasn’t helping my “weight loss efforts” particularly with the slower metabolism I have … I can’t afford those days of discouragement and excuses! So… I decided to do this for 90 days, as strictly as I can and without looking at the numbers on a scale! Those just bring me down! And hopefully, after these 90 days… I will see even if at least a little bit of change… or even if just more strength to keep going!

So… Yesterday was my 7th day… My running pal is on a summer camp right now (watching after middle schoolers) so I am on my own this week… Our morning walks are suspended for the week just because it’s too dark outside for me to go on my own (we have had several “scares” the two of us together so I can’t risk it on my own). I will be going to the gym in the mornings instead for my walk … yesterday, I just couldn’t get up to go to the gym in the morning though… I went to bed at 12:30 a.m. and then my girl (4 yr. old) was coughing at night and ended up sleeping by me so in the morning I came back to consciousness at 8:30 a.m. when hubby had already left for work) But at night I went to the gym when he arrived and I ran for an hour on the treadmill… It felt intense but it was really good! I burned over 700 calories there. I had to make some adjustments with my eating and skim my nightly ice cream treat because I used all of my calories during the day… I was just hungry! And that’s what I’ve noticed about not exercising in the morning, it makes it harder for me to stay in control with the food during the day (weird!) So I ate 1400 calories and burned a total of 2500 calories, giving me a calorie deficit of 1100 for the day! Which is good (but I always want MORE!).

It was a good day overall… Let’s see how it goes today… Tuesdays are my day to rest and I won’t be running… I will have to keep my calories down today… I am looking forward to watching “Extreme Weight Loss” tonight! It’s always a great motivator!

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 7 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

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Day 5 – 85 Days to go

Having a plan, whatever it is, but something that you have already determined in your mind that you will do really helps… at least that’s my case… Saying in advance that “I’ll do this” or ” I will not do that” helps me because I’ve already set clear expectations of what is going to happen and I can easily identify if I am doing something that will keep me from it… I t also helps me being so stubborn because… when I feel like doing what I said I wouldn’t do … or not doing what I said I would… there’s this thing inside of me… that says “hey, but you said something different” … anyway… knowing that I have already determined to “stay sober” for 90 days really helps… I can’t allow myself to “cheat” because then the “90 day goal would be further” (I would have to start all over again, because hey, even if I break this… at some point… it wouldn’t mean the war is over! Right?) So… I guess what I am trying to say is: “Yesterday was hard” and at some point I felt like forgetting about my goals and binging… I am glad I didn’t… it was hard and tears were shed… but I remained strong… the day could’ve gone better but I will not dwell on that… I still stayed in control when I actually felt like just giving in… So… I didn’t exercise twice… I only exercised in the morning… It started pouring while my friend and I were in our walk… So I say that my “treadmill included shower” LOL… So I took a picture of my “treadmill” (once the rain was over and I was headed back home)

IMG_7129[1]This is the area where we walk/run

So after my morning walk I headed home and that’s when the “temptations” started… I really felt the “need” to weigh myself… I soooo wanted to get on the scale and “see” if there’s any change, but I drank a lot of water to avoid that temptation thinking “now I can’t know for sure how much I exactly weigh” … still the need to “know” was present with me the whole day!

Later in the day I was just HUNGRY! Too hungry! I don’t even know why… but it wasn’t the normal “I am hungry, let’s eat an apple” it was a desperate, anxious “I am hungry I want to eat it all and not care about anything” so when I feel like that I KNOW, I JUST KNOW that it’s more emotional than physical and even if I ate something it just “wouldn’t go away” … at night, when I just “couldn’t take it anymore” I decided to have “chicken breast” for dinner… I felt it would be the more fulfilling option and least “sinful” option for me… So I ate chicken and drank water, I had some more chicken and avoided the rice! I did go over my 1200 calories for the day, I ended a little over 1400 but still had a good calorie deficit for the day! -whew- I feel like I dodged that bullet and even when not everything went as planned, it wasn’t a “train wreck” like it could’ve been! So…. struggling and all… I completed Day 5 of my 90 Day short term goal…

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 5 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

Day 2 – For 90 days

My second day of my 90 days of eating good/exercising and NO SCALE went better than great when it comes to calorie burning/intake… I ran in the morning and then I came home for my normal day… I made all the right choices with food… but… the reason why the day went better than usual is because hubby came home early, he got here around 3:00, I was in the middle of baking a cake for our Worship Pastor (for his birthday) and I was going to have to be in church at around 6:30, I realized I needed more vanilla for  the frosting, the cake wasn’t out of the oven yet, I needed to get the box to carry it and I got it in my head that I wanted to run a second time… (of course I would also have to get dinner ready)… so… even with how tight my time was as soon as the cake was out of the oven and cooling off I went to the gym and ran for half an hour there then I ran to the store to get the vanilla and they didn’t have any boxes for my cake, so I came back home, around 4:30 got the meatloaf and brown rice started for dinner, asked hubby to get the box from Wal-Mart and while he did that I got to making the frosting and decorating the cake… oh wait… I also took a shower, I was so busy! But finished right on time… Went to church while hubby fed the girls and then on my way there I realized I hadn’t eaten any dinner and with the rush I hadn’t even had any snack or anything… I started to feel dizzy and too hungry! Someone in church offered a bag of M&M’s but I wasn’t going to “throw it all out the window” for a bag of M&M’s so I waited until I came back home and had some of the meatloaf (thankfully I made a much lighter/healthier version without the ketchup/mustard/brown sugar glaze on top and without the bacon in it) had a 1/4 of a cup of brown rice, lots of water and then my coffee and ice cream plus 2 ibuprofen for the pounding headache I gave myself! LOL! So… I know it wasn’t right to spend so many hours without any food (lunch was a t 12:20 p.m. and dinner at 8:30 p.m.) I will make sure that doesn’t happen again but I am just thrilled for how good it felt to not have the pressure of the scale and to be able to exercise again in the afternoon… I burned a total of 1200 calories from exercise my calorie deficit for the day was about 1800…  Mostly for all the exercise I got in! Don’t think I don’t eat… Just to give you an idea of how my day looked yesterday (in regards to food) I will describe it here:

Breakfast:

2 eggs          150 cal.

1 English muffin     100 cal.

1 tbsp. Reduced Sugar Grape Jelly    25 cals.

Snack:

1.5 tbsp. almonds   60 cals.

Lunch:

1/2 Medium sweet potato – Baked    51 cal.

.5 tbsp. butter   18 cal.

Turkey Sandwich (sandwich thins,1/4 med. avocado, tomato, oven roasted turkey, dill pickles, onion, mustard)    277 cal.

1/4 cup Prepared Kraft Mac and Cheese (thankfully I stopped myself before eating more of this!) 100 cal.

Dinner:

“light meatloaf” slice – 209 cal.

1/4 cup cooked Brown rice Mahatma  50 cal.

Snack (nightly treat)

Coffee with Sugar Free Vanilla Creamer – 37 cal.

1 cup of 1/2 fat churned vanilla Ice Cream – 200 cal.

Total = 1277 calories for the day.

That was my second day in my 90 day short term goal… Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food (and scale) addict… I’ve been sober for 2 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

Didn’t weigh in for two days

Well… We had a “kind of unexpected” visit …. one of my aunts (mom’s sister) came to our city for the weekend, she actually came to see a friend of hers but stayed with us yesterday and left today, I always weigh in on the Wii Balance Board and it’s in the living room, I do it before I eat anything and I don’t like having “an audience” for my weigh-in LOL! So… I just skipped it these two mornings, I hope I’ll have some improvement or something to show for my work and consistency this week… There were two days when I just couldn’t go to my Bootcamp and/or morning run but even those two days I made sure my day didn’t end without any workout… I went both times to the gym (from the apartments where I live) even when it was late and I was tired… I still pushed myself and got things done! Even when the treadmills were busy in the gym and I hate the elliptical I got up there and did it! No excuses! I am telling you… I don’t allow myself to use any excuse… even yesterday morning… (when I had to go to Bootcamp) every cell in my body was begging me to stay in bed… it was just 4:30 a.m. “come on! I am sleeping! I had a rough night with my 2 yr. old! I deserve to stay in bed! How am I going to get myself up right now?” Just the thought of getting out in the dark to get my butt kicked and my heart rate elevated from a resting number of 65 to a crazy number of 180 bpm was just a horrible thought! Plus I had a horrible headache! But still… I got up… and went to bootcamp… I am telling you it wasn’t easy… My head was throbbing in pain… and I actually felt I was going to throw up… My friend that exercises with me every morning even said: “I was about to txt you and tell you I wouldn’t make it today” but she’s very disciplined too and got up as well! I am proud of ourselves, by the time we were done with bootcamp we still had 1/2 hour left before we had to go back home so we walked together… it was a nice talk and at the end I had burned over 700 calories… last week we even reached 900 calories! We do burpies and a bunch of other unspeakable things LOL! but I am proud to see myself being able to do all that jumping around… 2 years ago I would’ve probably passed out just in the attempt and now I can keep up with everyone! The feeling of accomplishment I get when I am done makes the whole “waking up so early and getting out of the comfort of my bed in the dark” totally worth it!

So… no weigh-in numbers today… I’ll be here tomorrow to let you know how I am doing!

The Thin Lady Inside

Laughing, Crying and deciding I am not losing weight anymore

Hello everybody! Here I am! Still in the fight… at least when it comes to eating healthy and burning more calories than I eat… Let me tell you I’ve been absent because a bunch of things have happened… Good and not so good ones… Last week we had an awesome vacation time with hubby, we went to a place close by and spent the night at a hotel there, hubby, the girls and I… so it was a great time… we had dinner out and breakfast but even for our “mini-vacations” I totally watched what I ate… I didn’t even skip my morning runs and got way more “steps in” than usual in my daily activity because we walked and were out and about so much! It was great! For dinner hubby had an amazing dish of shrimp, made in different ways, different batters, different fries, coconut shrimp, natural, etc… and different sauces to dip the shrimp in… ah! It looked awesome! I had steamed fish with rice and vegetables… I did great! drank water and said “no” to ice cream … Then in the morning went to IHOP and I stayed in the “simple and fit” side of the menu! Didn’t exceed my calories! I was excited to come home and weigh myself… just to find out that after one week I gained 4 pounds! I know… you (shadowrun) will say “that’s impossible” and I’ve thought about it too! It, in theory, is impossible! BUT… it is true! Who am I kidding!???? All the times that “this” has happened it’s been TRUE! Otherwise I would’ve left the 170’s a long time ago!!! I decided to believe it was liquid retention… I decided not to cry and give it a few more days… so I did… I stayed strong and exercising, eating great! Making good choices! Sticking with what “works” or at least I thought “had worked” just to step on the scale again and see I gained an extra 1 pound! Yes… some will say it’s muscle but that’s not true!!! IT IS NOT! I would still look thinner! And even when my face might have slimmed a little my waist hasn’t shrunk at all!!! My floating device is still there!!! And yes… my pants are actually tighter around the waist! It does NOT make sense! I am back at 180 pounds! I HAD BEEN already felt victorious and thought I had left “the bump” in the past when I reached 175.3 but… I guess I celebrated too soon!

So I have decided not to “try to lose weight anymore” … that’s always been my focus! I’ve decided to not care about the scale or even the measuring tape, my new worst enemies! And just continue to do what I do (run, exercise, make healthy choices) just for the “sake of it” and to avoid getting back to my huge old self again! I might be this weight forever (or so it seems) but at least I am not as obese as I used to! I am still eating about 750 calories less than I burn per day… so maybe one day, by some sort of miracle my body will decide to join me in my efforts! Because continue to expect low numbers is just too exhausting and very un-rewarding!

What else happened? Well… Hubby’s car got stolen… YES, stolen… and I’ve cried like a baby because we had a lot of our babies stuff in the trunk…. we were thinking about donating it to someone special who would need it…  but this horrible person, whoever it was, who stole hubby’s car got it all! swing, bouncing chair, play pen, carseat, etc… memories of my babies, their scent, their rocking, everything! I might be hormonal right now or something because I am crying again… I shouldn’t! It was just stuff and I am thankful we have another car so hubby can still go to work without an issue… now I don’t have a car but have wonderful friends who have told me they are THERE FOR ME if I need anything… and many have cars but not that many have such awesome friends! 🙂

Anyway… long update, huh? 🙂

The Thin Lady… way inside!

Running Late

Hello everybody! Sorry I haven’t been very active blogging! It doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing “My job” here! I definitely have! There hasn’t been a day where I have exceeded my “recommended by the fitbit” calories or that I have neglected my exercising… Wait… I didn’t go running just one day because I was just coughing too much and it was raining so I had to stay in…

Anyway… so … everyday I wake up at 5:10 to just go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and get in my running clothes as silently and quickly as possible to meet my friend at 6:30 and run with her… I even went running after a horrible night that I didn’t sleep AT ALL due to the coughing… I figured it didn’t make sense staying in bed if I wasn’t going to sleep anyway! But… well.. that’s not the story… Today… my 4 yr. old came to my bed at 4 a.m., she wanted me to go with her to the bathroom because she wanted to pee, then she wanted me to stay with her in her bed because her sister (2 yrs. old) abandoned her and was already IN my bed so she didn’t want to sleep on her own… I figured my sleep was ruined by then so I went to her room, kept looking at my cell phone to get up at 5:10 like I usually do… and then at 5:07 I turned the alarm off to avoid making any noise and wake anybody up… and then I blinked (or so I thought) until my cell phone made a noise that let me know I “had a new message” and it was my friend saying “Where are you?” I rubbed my eyes and realized it was 5:42! We both have a tight schedule in the mornings, she has kids to send to school, I have a husband that has to go to work and I can’t be late back at home because we have little ones… so we can’t both be gone… I was so embarrassed with my friend for getting up so late, I called her and said “I’ll be right over” … I don’t know how I made it there at 5:5ish … but … something good came out of all of this… what my friend and I usually do in 1 hour we did in 46 minutes… so we definitely got a good work out and I guess that should now be “our time to beat” 🙂

Whew… Running late was bad but at least worked for the good!

The Thin Lady Inside

Getting the gist of it…

Hello everybody! Here I am … yesterday was a good day… here are my “stats”

Activity:

11291 steps taken (out of a daily goal of 10,000)
5.17 miles traveled (out of a daily goal of 5 miles)
2726 calories burned (out of a daily goal of 2,184)

I ate a total of 1,604 so… 2726 calories burned – 1,604 total calorie intake = 1,122 calories that go for my weight loss!

I added a protein bar for my diet and guess what? I spent a total of 50 minutes on the rowing machine! I am definitely getting the gist of this! I did it in 2 sessions of 20 minutes and 1 extra session of 10 minutes, I do about 215 “rows” per 10 minutes. so it was about 1,075 total “rows” in the day.

My morning run was very enjoyable, like I mentioned yesterday, I walked most of it because my legs were just refusing to cooperate. I actually got too warm with the clothes I wore to run so I got home and took most clothes off because it was too hot but all of a sudden I started literally shaking from how cold I got and I couldn’t stop the “shivering” so I laid in the couch and covered myself with blankets… I fell asleep actually… I think it’s a reaction from the things I am doing… I think this is what I’ve been needing to “shock my system” … After that I was fine the rest of the day.

The Thin Lady Inside