I never give up…

Hello peeps, if there’s anybody still around… or if anybody stops by and realizes that there was a long, long time since I last posted and that my last few posts were all about my struggle to find out the reasons why I didn’t seem to be able to lose weight… Just in case anybody wondered what happened to the lady who was looking for the thin-lady-inside of her… I am still here… I just want you to know that no matter what… no matter the struggles… I just DON’T GIVE UP! That’s right! … And while my weight kept slowly (and sometimes not so slowly) but surely creeping up… I never quit my battle against obesity… and while I did reach the 200’s again I didn’t gain all my weight back….

My last resort has been to invest in an expensive gym membership (which included 5 sessions with a fitness trainer and some blood work)

The blood work said what I already knew… Everything looks amazing in paper! They can tell I eat healthy and I exercise because the glucose is spot on, ideal numbers for triglycerides, HDL cholesterol, LDL cholesterol, blood pressure EVERYTHING! … They did a cardio test and they also were able to prove that I wasn’t lying when I said I exercise every day! They got me on the elliptical and it did nothing! High resistance and incline and I was feeling like I was sitting on a couch! My hear rate was so stable and not spiking… I could talk through the whole test… it was… GREAT! The trainer said: Wow, you really are strong… and I even told him when everything was done: “Sorry, I just have to ask… am I the healthiest fat person you’ve ever helped?” I could tell he was afraid to answer … Poor guy! but he finally said: “I am going to have to say yes to that!” LOL… So he started explaining to me that my body had just simply adapted to EVERYTHING I DO… Yes… everything! Including the 10 mile walks, the eating healthy, everything! And when the discouragement came and I did eat out of my normal, healthy stuff… of course I saw even an increase… and that was doing it! So what am I doing now?

  1. Weight Lifting… I had never tried that and the trainer highly recommended it (plus I’ve always had the goal of looking somewhat like a bodybuilder… I know… it might seem crazy… but I really reach for that!)
  2. Switching things around more both with the food and the exercise… in regards to food I am sticking to strictly healthy stuff, avoiding grains but not excluding them, continuing to live a “sugar free lifestyle”, and sticking to what I already used to do of no artificial junk and stuff like that… BUT now I am just making sure that I am not always “eating the same” everyday… adding more fish to my diet and like my trainer said: “When things stop working, change things up a bit”
  3. I am not focusing on the scale…. After 2 weeks of all the training and sticking to my healthy food… I felt stronger yet the scale said I had lost only 2 pounds (what!? I am still walking 10 miles, plus 1 hour of cardio and 1 hour of weights! How can that be?) well… looking deeper into it… and with the right equipment… ALL THE OTHER NUMBERS told a more encouraging story… I had lost 7.5 pounds of fat during those 2 weeks… yet gained 4.5 pounds of lean mass… AMAZING! Had I not known those details I know I would’ve let the 2 pounds be very discouraging! All that work for NOTHING??? BUT …. Now I know I have to REALLY trust other things more than the number on the scale… How do I feel? Am I getting stronger? How do the clothes feel? Etc… and I can’t let the scale ruin all those other tangible victories!
  4. Resting… With this I am still struggling… I have to trust what the trainer said about letting my body rest… I get this weird anxiety if I relax… I feel like I can’t sit or not train for a day because I will get huge… like… on that day! and this takes me to the next point…
  5. Training my mind as well… I am learning a lot about neuroplasticity… which is basically how our thinking affects our brains and our bodies… it might sound like it’s not something serious but being healthy involves our minds too… I have to change the way I think about myself… and even quit the negative thoughts that tell me “I’ll never get to accomplish something” and learn to relax, enjoy and not obsess.

strong

So … there you see me in the blurry picture above… I have those bands in my legs, I walk sideways with those and it is a great strength exercise for my legs (hips and thighs I think) … I am having a lot of fun and loving seeing results in my body… Hopefully my experience encourages you! I never quit… I just don’t… Find what works for you! I hope I can give you a great update soon!

The Thin Lady Inside

And then some more…

Hello friends! I read all of your comments to my previous post… thank you for supporting me on my highs and lows! You all rock!

So…. talking about highs (*rolling eyes*) turns out that when I weighed myself on Friday and was all bummed out (and wrote the previous post) I was tempted to eat a big thing of pasta with meat sauce I made… I decided I didn’t care anymore and then, when I served all that food on a plate… I realized it was stupid, crazy and senseless! So… if I gain one pound I am going to eat myself into oblivion just to make me gain more, feel horrible and get even further from my goal? NO!  I put the food away and ate none of it… felt awesome! Proud and happy for my decision! I went to bed pretty hungry I must say! LOL and then in the morning ran to the scale to weigh myself like if my “good action” could “magically” give me the results I expected and “miraculously” I would get the “reward” from it… So… imagine my “surprise” when I see the scale go up even HIGHER! I gained another 1.1 pounds… I blinked repeatedly like if I could make it all go away… like if somehow I could change things by blinking! When I stopped I actually laughed and carried on… didn’t let it bum me too much and it really helped that I went to church to focus on greater (and less carnal) things… At least this body is not eternal! 🙂 My spirit is… and lately I have been too concerned with what I eat or not eat… so much that I have been neglecting my spiritual feeding! I know that part of my obesity might be due to the stress I went through with my dad accompanied by the great amounts of food I ate while going through it… (horrible combination) and I know that I still have to watch what I eat, etc… but I need to quit letting it consume me because this “mindset” and emotional state will not help my weight loss efforts.

So… after church I went out for lunch and did great… I felt actually like some “weight” was lifted off of me… I came home, took a long nap and enjoyed the evening with my family afterwards… Today I weighed almost a pound less… and I laughed again… who cares? I keep doing this… I keep forgetting this is my lifestyle and there’s nothing that can bum me out enough to quit it!

Today I’ve been doing great and got out of my pj’s early! I was actually PUTTING ON my pj’s everyday after I showered! it was like my “outfit of choice” … I am making myself get into my jeans and look a bit better…

So… here I am … Thank you all for commenting!

The Thin Lady Inside

Slow but steady!

Hello people! I am here just to say that I am continuing to see slow progress in my weight… First of all I am thankful with God… because if He wasn’t giving me strength I would’ve probably quit a long time ago, when I stopped seeing any results (on the scale)… I am thankful I still saw health improvements and that also kept me motivated to go on… But right now I am just thrilled to start seeing the numbers go down again… I think what’s been doing it also is … well… the thyroid hormone treatment, I am sure it’s helping… BUT also the changes I made… trying to get rid of processed stuff (my nightly ice cream treat) that even when it was low in calories it still had plenty of sugar… I am actually eating about 150 more calories a day (I am usually at 1350 calories now) I substituted the nightly ice cream for fruit that I eat throughout the day… I think when I made the switch I started seeing some of this progress… It might have been the “extra push” my body was needing

Today I am 174.1 pounds (I hadn’t been able to leave the 178 -182 pound range for a long, long, long, long time -over a year of trying and trying-)

and I am ecstatic! My hopes and dreams of hopefully crossing to the 160’s before going on our Family Vacation might not be too far fetched anymore. We shall see!

The Thin Lady Inside

Day 7 – 83 to go: No running pal!

Hello everybody… Here I am to report how yesterday went! It was the 7th day of this 90 day program that I’ve made for myself in hopes of “shocking my body” and hopefully seeing some difference… The “rules” for these 90 Days are:

1. No scale

2. Exercising consistently – no excuses – (I was already doing that, I am just trying to do it twice a day now instead of only once) – except for one day of rest in the week –

3. Staying at 1200-1400 calories (trying to hit the 1200 rather than the 1400)

If you’ve been following this blog you know I haven’t lost weight for a long year (a little more than that) regardless of the fact that I SHOULD be losing because I always have a calorie deficit… BUT after I found out that I have some issues (not major) with my thyroid, etc… I realized getting rid of the rest would be harder than I thought… And the problem I was running into was that I was eating more than 1200 calories every day… and then I would get discouraged because I wouldn’t see any change on the scale and I would just go into BINGING mode…  so I am sure that wasn’t helping my “weight loss efforts” particularly with the slower metabolism I have … I can’t afford those days of discouragement and excuses! So… I decided to do this for 90 days, as strictly as I can and without looking at the numbers on a scale! Those just bring me down! And hopefully, after these 90 days… I will see even if at least a little bit of change… or even if just more strength to keep going!

So… Yesterday was my 7th day… My running pal is on a summer camp right now (watching after middle schoolers) so I am on my own this week… Our morning walks are suspended for the week just because it’s too dark outside for me to go on my own (we have had several “scares” the two of us together so I can’t risk it on my own). I will be going to the gym in the mornings instead for my walk … yesterday, I just couldn’t get up to go to the gym in the morning though… I went to bed at 12:30 a.m. and then my girl (4 yr. old) was coughing at night and ended up sleeping by me so in the morning I came back to consciousness at 8:30 a.m. when hubby had already left for work) But at night I went to the gym when he arrived and I ran for an hour on the treadmill… It felt intense but it was really good! I burned over 700 calories there. I had to make some adjustments with my eating and skim my nightly ice cream treat because I used all of my calories during the day… I was just hungry! And that’s what I’ve noticed about not exercising in the morning, it makes it harder for me to stay in control with the food during the day (weird!) So I ate 1400 calories and burned a total of 2500 calories, giving me a calorie deficit of 1100 for the day! Which is good (but I always want MORE!).

It was a good day overall… Let’s see how it goes today… Tuesdays are my day to rest and I won’t be running… I will have to keep my calories down today… I am looking forward to watching “Extreme Weight Loss” tonight! It’s always a great motivator!

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 7 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

I guess it’s a good thing…

I guess it’s a good thing I am so stubborn… I am determined to reach my weight loss goal… no matter what… I do have ups and downs… some days are better than others… some days I feel like I “can’t do it” but I know, deep down… I am never going to quit this! I can’t just “walk away” from it… defeated… I can’t give up my dream of reaching a normal weight… I am not even pursuing a “skinny or perfect body” I just want to reach a healthy weight! Today… I went to the dr. again, another one because the previous one, well… you probably read about it here already… let’s just say “she wasn’t good” … anyway… This doctor explained to me that the thyroid hormone (T4) is produced by the thyroid (obviously) and there is another hormone that is in charge of “stimulating” the thyroid (TSH) so the T4 hormone is produced… Well… it turns out that my T4 hormone is in the normal range… (HUH????!!!) and that they just thought they would give me more of that T4 hormone (synthroid) just because the TSH was a little elevated, which, seems to mean that my thyroid might  be having to work a little harder to produce the T4 and that’s why the TSH levels are elevated… BUT … everything is “pretty much within range” (WHAT?) the doctor touched my neck and she says that she does feel like my thyroid might be a little swollen but … and then she said it… “Does anybody in your family have LUPUS?” … No! Nobody in my family has lupus, she mentioned that because of my “RA history” and the sensitivity of my skin, the tiredness and weight issues… she thinks I might have lupus and that all the symptoms might seem “independent” from each other but it might all be connected… she mentioned that RA is very aggressive and since I am not being treated and “just from looking at me” she can almost for sure say I have no RA… she says that Lupus is not as aggressive with the joints and that those “flare ups” come in “waves” sporadically … and that’s what makes her think I might have Lupus… She referred me to a rheumatologist and I have an appt. with him on the 31st. this month… -sigh- She mentioned that the test I got done almost a year ago to check for Lupus (the name of the test is ANA ) is not conclusive… I still got some lab tests done today again to keep an eye on my thyroid (My mom’s side of the family has big, big thyroid issues, one of my uncles was just diagnosed with thyroid cancer last week even) but that I should still get tested for Lupus… So I am just praying and waiting… Working and Fighting… Today’s work out was great and my eating has been great… One day at a time! One day at a time!

 

The Thin Lady Inside

My first 5K

Hello everybody… Remember how the other day I said I was done trying to “lose weight”? I explained I wasn’t done eating healthy and exercising… just done with the hope of seeing the scale or measuring tape reflect my efforts! But you know what? I am SOOO not done! I guess I’ll never be! I am pushing towards my goal… I do not know how long it will take… I know it will not be easy… I know I will get discouraged at times… but I am NOT done!

So I am switching things up around a little bit… once again eating less calories… staying within 1200-1500 a day and incorporating more strength training… Right now I am pumped because my first 5k is coming! April 27th I will be running! I will be in a group that will not be timed! I am not going for “speed” right now… I am just going to continue to incorporate healthy activities in my life that keep me motivated and encouraged!

So… My first 5k will be to support a missionary cause… people who take water and the gospel to Sudan! plus a bunch of other things… so… I am excited!

The Thin Lady Inside

So I ate again!

LOL! … Ok… here’s the deal… Yesterday (Saturday) I did great, we went to a “Ranch/Farm” thing… that has a pumpkin patch and it’s huge, lots of walking, not too much eating, was below my calorie count for the day… Today… I just ate… anything… not too much but didn’t even count! I know that not counting (for me, at least) is dangerous… But I don’t want to “hide it” sometimes when I don’t do what I am supposed to I just avoid writing here and hide my head in the ground! Instead of facing it and moving on!

The scale showed a loss of half a pound this morning (after the consistent gain I had the previous days) I think the planned overeating of Friday got me “unstuck” again from the weird plateau… Hopefully the numbers will go down this week!

Right now I am facing that I ate more today and I am ready to work harder tomorrow! Nighty Night!
The Thin Lady Inside!