Home » Weight Loss » 181 but it stops here

181 but it stops here

-sigh- I am at a very high weight of 181 pounds… 9 pounds heavier than the lowest number I reached about 2 months ago … it’s discouraging… and eye opening… regardless of my calorie counting and exercising I have been eating out more and those calories haven’t been in the form of “all good” stuff… I have been feeling quite depressed about it… and trust me… I am not using the word “depressed” lightly… I had actually felt thinner a couple of days ago and then I had the brilliant idea of weighing myself yesterday and that’s when I saw that number and decided to eat all the left over dessert from Thanksgiving… well… not all of it… but a lot! I’ve been stuffing my big face with pumpkin pie, cranberry upside down cake and apple pie… Thank goodness hubby finished the sugar cookies or I would’ve attacked those as well… Interestingly… I am more inclined to binge on salty food but desserts is what I had at hand… so… buried myself in sugar!

I am feeling like a whale… but I know that I have to shake off those feelings to be able to move on! I never seem to succeed to lose weight when I am feeling like I hate myself… so I need to find that self esteem, self-love to gather all the will power and press on to my goals!

I torture myself thinking how long it is going to take me to lose all this again… I get sick at the thoughts of ending this year in the exact same weight a year ago…. but… those thoughts don’t really help, do they? it’s not like I will lose weight by pitying myself!

Anyway… Just wanted to give an update.

The Thin (and ashamed) Lady Inside


6 thoughts on “181 but it stops here

  1. It’s okay, you’ll bounce back from this! You are staying aware rather than going unconscious and allowing yourself to continue feeding yourself foods without much nutritional value. You identified you were overindulging and are working to get things under control. That is huge and something not everyone can do, especially around the holidays!

    Please don’t be ashamed! On Thanksgiving, I’d planned to eat some allergy friendly stuffing, but not too much. I ate it ALL. Then, I ate way too many gluten/dairy free cookies even though I know the extra sugar slows me down and I know the grains, even though gluten free, bloat me. I did it. Then I hated having a bloated belly for 3 days. I hated the lower than normal energy. The bloated belly made me want to say, “Oh well, if my belly is bloated anyways, why not eat MORE grains and sugar while I can?” I did so, for one of those days, then I came back into myself, and stopped heading down the road I was on. There’s no reason to be ashamed. If I have trouble at times controlling myself with foods I limit, and the repercussions for indulging are pretty great on my already poor health, you shouldn’t feel guilty for having trouble when your main repercussion for over indulgence is weight gain. We are human, we are programmed to want salty/sweet/fatty foods, or just food in general. Luckily, we also have the ability to control our bodies!

    Have you ever read Bethenny Frankel’s book “Naturally Thin”? Like any book on eating choices, I think it is important to just take away what works for you and leave what doesn’t or you think would be harmful, but I really like the way she looks at food. I especially like the idea of “the point of diminishing returns” — the point where this bite isn’t as satisfying as the last and it is time to stop eating.
    Here’s an overview that goes into pretty good detail quickly of each of 10 “rules”: http://gma.yahoo.com/bethenny-frankels-skinnygirl-solutions-10-tips-stay-naturally-014527589–abc-news-lifestyle.html

    • Thank you so much for your encouragement… and for sharing your own “set backs” with me … I appreciate your honesty and care! Thanksgiving sure was hard… I am looking forward to Christmas… it’s my favorite time of the year… but I hope and will try to do better than I did on Thanksgiving! How are you doing now? I hope you’re back on track as well!

      I have never read that book… thanks for the recommendation! I will look into it… sure looks interesting! I checked the article already. Thank you!

  2. Have you ever considered seeing a nutritionist? I sometimes wonder if the reason you have such a hard time losing weight is due to the way your body metabolizes food. Your body definitely is shunning the usual rule of eating less and exercising more.
    Anyone in your shoes would feel the same way you do. And most would react by giving up completely. You’re determination to keep finding your way back on track is so inspiring. But maybe you need to travel down a different path. “The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.” Not to say you’re insane, 🙂 , but it very well could be you need to do something completely different than what you have been.
    I don’t know,, but I DO know, that you have a lot of support from your blog friends, from your family, and from your adoring husband. Hang in there, and don’t keep beating yourself up about your Thanksgiving binge. You’re on a journey, and it’s not all going to be sunshine and roses. But that’s what will make your final destination so sweet.
    (insert blog hug here)

    • I know I am crazy don’t worry! LOL! 🙂 … I can’t afford a nutritionist but I did identify a while ago that adding fruits to my diet and removing processed stuff helped me… so I am going back on that road again. I am excited and hoping to see some results again! 🙂 Thank you so much! 😀

  3. Oh boy … do I torture myself too! I’ve gained back some of the weight I lost earlier in the year. It bothers me to my core … but I really don’t know what to do. I do know how to lose the weight … it just seems like my motivation and desire has vanished! But, I want to get it back … ASAP … Hang in there … we believe in you!

    • Dear Dave… I do know that venting it here helps me… I don’t know if it does the same for you… but I feel like “opening up” about the way I feel and about my “failures” helps me to move on… helps me see things clear and kind of holds me accountable… I will be praying you find your motivation… It is harder when everybody else seems to “enjoy life through food” just the way we would like and feel like “we deserve it” but the price we pay for our “indulgence” is too high and not worth it… I don’t speak with any authority because as you can see I struggle… too often… too much… but I hope we can both stay on this fight… and win! 🙂 I know you can! 😀

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