Home » Weight Loss » Venting… I really want to get out of here…

Venting… I really want to get out of here…

Ok… My previous post was just to say yesterday was a total failure… Thank you all for your responses…

I don’t even know where to start… I don’t even know exactly what was it that did it this time… I have my head filled with knots and nonsense… it’s so weird! I think it was a bunch of little things… The car that I don’t have because of the transmission, the warranty that didn’t come through, the trips to the dealership just to waste time and get no help for this, the “surprise” of being in charge of two dogs for the week that I had already planned without “counting on that” but most of all… the medical test results I got…

It turns out that I am as healthy as a horse… there’s pretty much nothing wrong with me after all the tests were done! Not even RA which I’ve believed I had all this time! I can’t even explain why! I mean… I was diagnosed with it at 24… I know the “flare ups” were real… what in the world? Am I crazy? Why can’t I lose weight then? No RA, no Lupus, no NOTHING, NOT EVEN a really bad thyroid just a slight high number for the TSH which shouldn’t really have anything to do with my weight! I don’t get it then! I should be thin already then! What is it??? It means it’s just been me… I must be doing something wrong! For most people receiving “good test results” is all good news… for me it was like someone punched me in my stomach… am I crazy then? what is it??? WHY CAN’T I LOSE ALL THIS WEIGHT? You want to know the number I saw at the dr’s office by mistake? 182.6 pounds!!! what in the world??? BUT WHY????????????? I don’t deserve this after all the work I’ve put towards losing weight for over 1 year and a half! It’s not right! am I doing things that poorly? what is it??? How can’t I lose weight when I have such a great calorie deficit? when I exercise like I do! I don’t feel I even have strength to continue like this…yes I am crying! I try to pretend I don’t care about losing weight but just “being healthy” should be enough! But it isn’t! Especially when there are people, who have good intentions I know… but ask: “Oh! So you didn’t want to lose any more weight, right?” or “when did you stop your diet” … even my mom, when she found out all my test results were “good” said: “Maybe you just need a stricter diet” … ugh! I don’t know… I can’t… Today I’ve eaten like a pig… forget the 90 days… who am I kidding? I can’t do this

The thin lady… in my dreams.

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7 thoughts on “Venting… I really want to get out of here…

  1. It seems so unfair. I’m not even sure what to say to help, except I know I would have gone I on an eating binge as well. (And not have even felt bad.) I’m so sorry, TLI. 😦 Did you ask your doctor all these questions? Did THEY have answers? Surely someone can help you figure out why you’re not losing. I wonder if there’s forums on-line where you can talk with people with the same issues and see what has worked for them.
    Allow yourself some time to grieve. You can’t be strong every minute of every day. Maybe until you can find out more information, set a different goal – like running another 5k with a faster pace, or possibly sign up for a 10k – so that you can feel success at something.
    I’m bummin’ with you TLI. Hang in there.

  2. I really think you should look at my blog and the links I have to the Smarter Science of Slim. You sound like me a year ago – I don’t have those problems anymore. I lose weight, slowly – but more importantly I look healthier, I feel healthier. I have way more energy. My skin has improved (it still has a way to go but its getting there), I am less moody, I sleep better, I don’t get an upset stomach anymore (used to be weekly if not daily).

    I don’t follow it exactly – I do traditional weightlifting instead of only eccentric. I don’t do the hiit cardio but I walk every day – the book is out of print at the moment (a new one from a new publisher is coming at Christmas) but I can help you with anything you need to know if you want to do it and there is LOADS of free stuff on his website.

    One tip from other people who have tried it from my recommendation is to be 100% for one month. To make sure you take before and after photos and to measure with a tape measure rather than just the scale. Journaling will help too but you have your blog. Its tough in the beginning but it is definitely worth it.

    Calories aren’t the whole story – they are measured by burning a sample of the food in a chamber surrounded by water – each rise in the temperature of the water = 1 calorie. What’s that got to do with how we fuel our body? How does it inform how we should eat to gain or lose weight?

    I hope you feel better and that if what I’m doing doesn’t appeal that you find something that suits you soon.

    xox

  3. I wish there were easy answers and I wish I had those answers for you. I know you can pull through this … you work hard and it shows in your spirit and your strength. You can do it … you ARE The Thin Lady Inside …. !

  4. Your TSH is consistently high on tests weeks apart with normal T3 and T4? Did the T3 and T4 go up? TSH means your pituitary gland detects not enough thyroid hormone. It releases TSH to stimulate the release of thyroid hormone. High TSH can mean your pituitary gland is doing its job beautifully. TSH + low thyroid levels consistently equals hypothyroidism. My understanding is your TSH shouldn’t ALWAYS be high. It should just be high for awhile while the thyroid levels get back up, and then go back to normal until the next time the thyroid levels are getting low. It constantly being high indicates something. Maybe not something bad, but definitely something — it doesn’t just increase. I have lots of thyroid issues in my family and know it can be an early sign of hypothyroidism. I believe subclinical thyroid deficiency is what it is called when TSH is high but thyroid hormones are normal. Have you been to an endocrinologist or was this a PCP running these tests? I’m sorry you’re having a rough time.

    • My TSH test came back very high when they first did it… the T3 and T4 they were both in the normal levels… the doctor says that the fact that the TSH was high indicates that the pituitary gland is having a hard time producing the T4 and that’s why more TSH is needed and that’s why they’re giving me Synthroid (Levothyroxine) to see if that way the TSH would go to normal levels, which it did in the next set of tests, my next follow-up appt. for Thyroid stuff is in about 5 months… we’ll see 🙂 … I haven’t gone to an endocrinologist ever… I must admit I am actually embarrassed that everything has come back GOOD LOL! … Makes me wonder if it’s all just in my head… even hubby (who is very supportive) says: “Maybe you just have a very powerful brain” which is a nice way of saying “it’s all in your head” LOL! 😛

      • Wait, so you’re still on the thyroid medication? I’m confused. Wouldn’t normal tests indicate the Synthroid is working and you do indeed have hypothyroidism? I’m not trying to be annoying, I just have had my health overlooked or been told it is in my mind… 5 years later, I was disabled, in and out of the hospital, and finally properly diagnosed!

      • Yes , still on thyroid medication, yes I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and yes, I am right there with you, all confused… because the original doctor said “it’s no big deal, I don’t think this is keeping you from losing weight anyway since your T4 is normal” I’ll do some research on my own about this because it doesn’t make much sense to me either and feel free to ask… LOL! It’s good to know I am not the only one thinking it doesn’t make sense at all!

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