Day 8 -82 to go: I just couldn’t!

Hello everybody! Here I am… to report, like everyday during these 90 day goal that I have set for myself, how I am doing… Yesterday (Tuesday) was supposed to be my “day of rest” just a day where I wouldn’t do my regular exercise because of something I read where you need to let you body rest for a day not only for the muscles to heal but also to keep the body from “adapting” it’s kind of a “reset button” thing… 🙂 … And I just couldn’t! I couldn’t not exercise! Without my morning walk I was all jittery all day long! It’s not like “I love exercising” … I feel like I haven’t gotten there yet… I always wonder if I ever will… So I was kind of looking forward to not doing a thing! LOL! But I couldn’t… You can still consider it my “day of rest” because I didn’t go to the gym and I didn’t run like I always do… But all day long I kept looking for ways to keep moving otherwise the energy was almost unbearable! LOL! So even while watching TV I would get my Wii Balance Board out and without even turning it on I used it as a “small step” and I did almost 13,000  steps during the day… I reached 6 miles… So… I feel like it was still good “rest” for my body from the High Impact exercises of the week but I didn’t just sit all day!

Then in the night I watched the “Extreme Weight Loss” show! WOW! That was amazing! The show was about this African American girl who talked about how in her culture it seems that in many families (not all)  “bigger is better” and “unhealthy is normal” … everybody in her family had weight issues and diabetes is seen as something you just “get” … they actually discouraged her to lose weight even when she was over 300 pounds…. but this girl was determined and she lost all the weight! Oh my goodness! Her personality was already like “the sun” but when she lost all the excess of weight … WOW! She gained extra confidence and showed the world who she truly is! I was telling my sister today (I already talked to her at 7:30 a.m.) that it’s almost like if they got psychological therapy! I mean the attitude and overall demeanor changes so much when the pounds are gone! But that’s what exercising and eating right does to you! Not only you lose weight! You prove yourself what you’re really made of and how strong you really are when you thought you weren’t! I love it! By the way… My sister (who I had already talked about before), she’s exercising everyday and eating right! I am so proud of her! I look forward to the day when she leaves me behind (being that I struggle so much being stuck in this weight) and that she loses even more weight than I have! She is proud of herself as well… and I can hear it in her voice… THIS IS IT! She is determined and tomorrow will be her first weigh-in (after 1 week) so I pray and hope the scale will be nice to her… still I hope she also remembers what I’ve failed to remember many times… the numbers on the scale don’t determine who I am or If I am being successful… Just the fact that we are doing THIS already makes us successful and says how strong we are! anyway… I am just happy… Well.. the thing is though… that I was going to go to the gym this morning but after my overly-energetic day yesterday I crashed! LOL! And I couldn’t even get up from bed at 6 but it will still be an active day and I hope I will be able to squeeze a run in my busy schedule ahead of me.

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 8 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

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Day 7 – 83 to go: No running pal!

Hello everybody… Here I am to report how yesterday went! It was the 7th day of this 90 day program that I’ve made for myself in hopes of “shocking my body” and hopefully seeing some difference… The “rules” for these 90 Days are:

1. No scale

2. Exercising consistently – no excuses – (I was already doing that, I am just trying to do it twice a day now instead of only once) – except for one day of rest in the week –

3. Staying at 1200-1400 calories (trying to hit the 1200 rather than the 1400)

If you’ve been following this blog you know I haven’t lost weight for a long year (a little more than that) regardless of the fact that I SHOULD be losing because I always have a calorie deficit… BUT after I found out that I have some issues (not major) with my thyroid, etc… I realized getting rid of the rest would be harder than I thought… And the problem I was running into was that I was eating more than 1200 calories every day… and then I would get discouraged because I wouldn’t see any change on the scale and I would just go into BINGING mode…  so I am sure that wasn’t helping my “weight loss efforts” particularly with the slower metabolism I have … I can’t afford those days of discouragement and excuses! So… I decided to do this for 90 days, as strictly as I can and without looking at the numbers on a scale! Those just bring me down! And hopefully, after these 90 days… I will see even if at least a little bit of change… or even if just more strength to keep going!

So… Yesterday was my 7th day… My running pal is on a summer camp right now (watching after middle schoolers) so I am on my own this week… Our morning walks are suspended for the week just because it’s too dark outside for me to go on my own (we have had several “scares” the two of us together so I can’t risk it on my own). I will be going to the gym in the mornings instead for my walk … yesterday, I just couldn’t get up to go to the gym in the morning though… I went to bed at 12:30 a.m. and then my girl (4 yr. old) was coughing at night and ended up sleeping by me so in the morning I came back to consciousness at 8:30 a.m. when hubby had already left for work) But at night I went to the gym when he arrived and I ran for an hour on the treadmill… It felt intense but it was really good! I burned over 700 calories there. I had to make some adjustments with my eating and skim my nightly ice cream treat because I used all of my calories during the day… I was just hungry! And that’s what I’ve noticed about not exercising in the morning, it makes it harder for me to stay in control with the food during the day (weird!) So I ate 1400 calories and burned a total of 2500 calories, giving me a calorie deficit of 1100 for the day! Which is good (but I always want MORE!).

It was a good day overall… Let’s see how it goes today… Tuesdays are my day to rest and I won’t be running… I will have to keep my calories down today… I am looking forward to watching “Extreme Weight Loss” tonight! It’s always a great motivator!

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 7 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

Day 6 – 84 to go: The good side of a bad day

Hello everybody… If you were here around Saturday you know how hard that day was for me… You can see it here and here  … so… anyway… it was a VERY, VERY hard day but in the end I managed to stay in control and didn’t succumb to temptation! Well… let me tell you what good came from it… The next day was MUCH EASIER! Just having overcome all the temptations, not giving in to food and not falling into my very well known old bad habits made me feel powerful! While the struggle lasted I wondered if I would be able to do it… I felt weak, I felt helpless… But once the day was gone and the new day started everything looked different! I was ready to GO! I was ready to face the day! I felt strong and my whole attitude was like “I got this” … So… Sunday morning started with my early walk with my friend, it rained a little but not as much… BY THE WAY… is it possible for tennis shoes to shrink? If you read my previous post you’ll know I ended up walking in the rain… and then I threw my running shoes in the dryer (was that wrong?) and I feel like they shrunk!? They’re so tight they’ve hurt my big toe from my left foot and I got blisters on the back side by my ankle on my right foot… (OUCH!!!) … anyway… I still walked (almost limping due to the shrinking of the shoes… which still doesn’t make any sense to me) had a good breakfast afterwards, went to church and then went to Whataburger for lunch BUT even there I didn’t have fries, had a chicken sandwich without any mayo or cheese and drank lots of water with it… When I came home I started making a cake… we have a Bible Study here at home usually on Sunday nights and I always try to make some dessert… so, while the cake was in the oven I cleaned up my kitchen while hubby cleaned the carpets (if you’ve read this blog before you know I am married to Mr. Clean and he tries to clean the carpets at least once a week) … so, once the cake was out of the oven and as it cooled off I put on my small tennis shoes and went running (when I actually just wanted to take a nap!) I ran for 40 mins. on the treadmill (my feet didn’t feel too bad although the blisters didn’t get any better) and then came back home to do the frosting of the cake, give the girls a bath and put them in bed! Our Bible Study starts at 8 and it was 7:45 when I started putting them in bed, thankfully they fell asleep rather quick and I just jumped into the shower real quick and managed to still be soaking wet when our friends arrived (they’re our best friends, it’s just another couple, so, it’s ok if I am dripping, right? LOL) they oooh’d and aaaah’d  over my cake and then we just had coffee with it (don’t worry! I didn’t eat any cake… I just had my ice cream treat) so… My day ended like this:

Calorie intake: 1206

Calories burned from exercise: 960

Total calorie burn for the day: 2885

Total Calorie deficit: 1679

So… that’s it for now…  Thank God that even a bad day has a good side… of course it only works that way if you stay strong on that bad day! 🙂

What? Want to see the cake I made? Ok… here it is:

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You can better appreciate the color here because of the natural light outside

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Not the best picture, not the best lighting but here it is. I sure was in a hurry.

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Chocolate inside!

The Thin Lady Inside

Day 5 – 85 Days to go

Having a plan, whatever it is, but something that you have already determined in your mind that you will do really helps… at least that’s my case… Saying in advance that “I’ll do this” or ” I will not do that” helps me because I’ve already set clear expectations of what is going to happen and I can easily identify if I am doing something that will keep me from it… I t also helps me being so stubborn because… when I feel like doing what I said I wouldn’t do … or not doing what I said I would… there’s this thing inside of me… that says “hey, but you said something different” … anyway… knowing that I have already determined to “stay sober” for 90 days really helps… I can’t allow myself to “cheat” because then the “90 day goal would be further” (I would have to start all over again, because hey, even if I break this… at some point… it wouldn’t mean the war is over! Right?) So… I guess what I am trying to say is: “Yesterday was hard” and at some point I felt like forgetting about my goals and binging… I am glad I didn’t… it was hard and tears were shed… but I remained strong… the day could’ve gone better but I will not dwell on that… I still stayed in control when I actually felt like just giving in… So… I didn’t exercise twice… I only exercised in the morning… It started pouring while my friend and I were in our walk… So I say that my “treadmill included shower” LOL… So I took a picture of my “treadmill” (once the rain was over and I was headed back home)

IMG_7129[1]This is the area where we walk/run

So after my morning walk I headed home and that’s when the “temptations” started… I really felt the “need” to weigh myself… I soooo wanted to get on the scale and “see” if there’s any change, but I drank a lot of water to avoid that temptation thinking “now I can’t know for sure how much I exactly weigh” … still the need to “know” was present with me the whole day!

Later in the day I was just HUNGRY! Too hungry! I don’t even know why… but it wasn’t the normal “I am hungry, let’s eat an apple” it was a desperate, anxious “I am hungry I want to eat it all and not care about anything” so when I feel like that I KNOW, I JUST KNOW that it’s more emotional than physical and even if I ate something it just “wouldn’t go away” … at night, when I just “couldn’t take it anymore” I decided to have “chicken breast” for dinner… I felt it would be the more fulfilling option and least “sinful” option for me… So I ate chicken and drank water, I had some more chicken and avoided the rice! I did go over my 1200 calories for the day, I ended a little over 1400 but still had a good calorie deficit for the day! -whew- I feel like I dodged that bullet and even when not everything went as planned, it wasn’t a “train wreck” like it could’ve been! So…. struggling and all… I completed Day 5 of my 90 Day short term goal…

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 5 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

Not quite Day 5 yet…

Ok… this morning I wrote about my Day 4 of these new 90 day goal that I’ve set for myself… anyway… Day 5 is not over yet… and as usual I will write about it tomorrow morning… but to make it be a successful day I had to come and pretty much vent here… I am having a very hard time right now… I am anxiously hungry right now… I want to eat, eat, EAT! I’ve managed to dodge all the things the day has thrown at me and as I type hubby took the girls to Culver’s for ice cream… so, I am on my own … and you can say I REALLY DODGED that one too… Hubby, joking around, came by me and said “come on, come with us, think about a double butter burger!” (which I love) and even when I knew he was just playing with me and didn’t mean to “hurt me” in my process I guess I wasn’t up for jokes and I actually got tears in my eyes… It’s just a hard day… a very hard day… One of those days when I just would’ve wanted to say “yes, take me there! I’ll have that burger with extra cheese, fries and soda” but I didn’t do it… I stayed home and I am here… making dinner for when they come back… I actually ate my dinner already and I am just hoping all these “evil thoughts” will soon go away… wow… it’s hard! So… when hubby comes back with the girls I’ll just leave them eating and I’ll hit the gym… at least that’s my plan… but I just wanted to come and write about it… to “expose all my thoughts” , put it all out there… because hiding… hiding is another bad habit that never ends good! So… sorry for doubling posting on a day…

The Thin Lady Inside.

Day 4 – 86 Days to Go

Hello! Day 4 of my “90 days without a scale, eating healthy ALL THE TIME and exercising at least twice a day instead of once” went great…

I walked in the morning, 3.5 miles, then came back home and had a “Muller” for breakfast (and coffee)… have you tried that Greek Yoghurt by Quaker? Muller? it’s good! I love Greek Yoghurt and the fruit in this one is really good!  it’s almost as good as if you had bought fresh fruit and just pureed it yourself! I am lovin’ it!

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 I then took a nap (have I mentioned I am still very tired? We’ll see what the tests say about that) later the day went as usual, cleaning, feeding the girls, singing with them, homeschooling my 4 yr. old, etc… Normal stuff. Later I even did my rowing machine again (it’s been a while) and I was disappointed to see I could only do 10 mins. on it (man! THAT’s HARD!!) I can’t believe I was already doing 40 min. in a row! (no pun intended).

Later in the evening, as soon as hubby got home from work I walked out the door to go to the gym… I try not to stay around too long when he gets home because I enjoy being with him so much that I will not want to leave if we start talking! So, I had his dinner ready and I myself was with the keys in my hand ready to just “run away” from him and the temptation of just sitting on the couch to watch TV with him… “let’s get this over with” was my kind of attitude! … I went to the gym and ran 35 mins. on the treadmill (yes, it gets boring there, but 7 p.m. in Texas is still pretty sunny and hot, I am not running outside at 97 degrees and with 85% humidity! I know my limitations) I burned about 550 calories for a total of a little over 1000 calories burned from exercise (morning walk/rowing machine/evening run)… NOT BAD!

I had a calorie deficit of about 1500! for the day! My calorie intake was 1238… I am very proud of myself!

Yesterday I did have some more of my traditional temptations come my way… I also struggled with some “ol’ way of thinking” and “horrible bad habits” but I am happy I identified them all and defeated them! My two biggest temptations yesterday were:

1. My little one didn’t eat all of her food… I could’ve just finished it, yes, I am embarrassed to admit it but I used to do that all the time.

2. There was a pot of leftover delicious rice (rice, pasta and potatoes are big weaknesses for me) on the stove top… I felt like eating it all with a spoon, I actually GRABBED THE SPOON!!! but instead of putting it in my mouth (like I wanted to) I was strong enough to clear the area quickly, put the rice in a container and in the fridge, once I wiped it all with spray cleaner I felt much better and at ease. (it’s weird how these “attacks” come! it’s almost like something stronger than you! I could swear I am going to start shaking from wanting to eat something SOOO BAD!)

So… I had a very successful day! I must say I KNOW not weighing myself is a big part of it! Because I know if I had seen “the numbers” in the morning and I hadn’t lost any weight I would’ve found it harder to have any strength to resist the temptations.

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 4 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside

Day 3 – 87 Days to go

Hello everybody! If you’ve been following my journey then you already know several things about me….

1. I am a Thin Lady (Inside)

2. I am a food addict. (look for comfort in food, food had always been my reward, my comfort, my “go to” thing if sad, angry, happy, etc.)

3. I started at 222.8 pounds when I said “no more! Let’s lose the weight!”

4. I started running and counting calories everyday as part of my way of losing weight, I never thought I’d be able to run… but I even did a 5k. My goal is to run a marathon some day.

5. In 5 months I lost 45 pounds

6. I inexplicably stopped losing weight over a year ago (still exercising and counting calories)

7. I’ve gone through tests that said my thyroid wasn’t working really good (which could explain why the struggles to lose any weight and why I can gain it soooo fast) and I still have some other tests to go through to discard “Lupus” and see what else could be going on.

8. Every time I go to the scale and I see any weight gain I get so discouraged I go to food again… I still need to make a “brain makeover” that helps me deal with frustrations in a healthier way.

Right now… I am trying to “detox” myself from the scale… I used to think I could make it “not affect me” but since I haven’t been very successful at that I am just “staying away from it all at once” to avoid it being a trigger to binge. I have a short term goal of 90 days without the scale, eating healthier and exercising twice a day instead of once hoping I can “shock my body” and just hoping I’ll see some results… and maybe, just maybe get my slow metabolism going!

So… Yesterday was the 3rd. day of those 90 days and it went great! Not even thinking about weighing myself has been very liberating! Doing things just because “it’s the right thing” and not because I expect to see something on the scale the next morning has actually made things easier… or maybe I am not too hormonal right now… who knows what it is but I’ll take it! 🙂 … Yesterday I walked in the morning (My friend that goes to run with me every morning doesn’t really enjoy running, she wants to walk… So… I walk with her, it’s our only “girl time” without husbands and kids so we get to talk, vent, encourage one another, etc. it’s pretty relaxing and I still get to burn more calories than if I stayed asleep in my bed), then, when hubby came from work I went running by myself to the gym (it’s been too hot to run outside in the evening… today we’ll be reaching 104!!!) So I ran for 40 mins. burning 600 calories for a total of 1000 calories burned from exercise (morning walk/evening run combined) and I ate a total of 1313 calories (100 more than I intended to but it was still a great day) I had a calorie deficit over 1100 calories for the day and didn’t even feel anxious or too hungry. Today I don’t want to get past a calorie intake of 1200, that will be my goal for the day.

Yes… I am The Thin Lady Inside and I am a food addict… I’ve been sober for 3 days… And today… just for today… I’ll make all the right choices…. ONE DAY AT A TIME!

The Thin Lady Inside