Tears of joy!

That’s what I experienced when I crossed the finish line of my very first 5k! Not that I ran super fast or anything but I didn’t quit and ran the whole thing… There were times when I felt like “walking” only but I knew I wouldn’t “forgive me” later… I am so thankful to have a great friend IRL that runs with me and supports and encourages just like my followers/readers/online friends (including you Tiff!!!) when I was about to give up I kept thinking about all the people “cheering for me” … whether they were there or not… just all those that would be happy for me… and just about myself being able to “conquer” my body and make it submit! so… when I was about to finish I didn’t think much of what I would feel… I wasn’t expecting anything special… but then… right when I stepped on the finish line an overwhelming joy hit me right on my chest! and I felt tears flood my eyes! I didn’t really cry or anything, I stayed composed… after all… nobody else was making “that big of a deal” about it… after all, many crossed the line before I did, after all I wasn’t even being timed -snort- but still… the joy to see myself crossing a “finish line” for the very first time in any kind of “race/run” was just too big, too deep, too good! and I enjoyed seeing my husband and my daughters waiting for me in such excitement as well and with such pride that I will keep all those feelings forever!

I just wanted to share with all of you! … and to say “Thank you” to those who believe in me! Whether you comment or not… I just Thank you!

Before the race, with my running friend!

Before the race, with my running friend!

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Can you see Me? The word “Me” is right on top of … well… obviously… Me!

Right after crossing the finish line!

Right after crossing the finish line!

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Together after our run!

The Thin Lady Inside

Take me to the doctor !

Hello everybody… As you’ve known if you have read my blog previously, I’ve been stuck in the 178-180’s for a long time, a year now… I count calories, I run, I exercise… and nothing… my body refuses to let me lose weight… and trust me… it’s not any good kind of weight that I’m talking about… it’s fat, it’s around the waist… it’s disgusting, not muscle fat…  Sometimes I lose some, sometimes I gain some… which is very discouraging when you’re doing all the stuff you’re supposed to do… when you’re doing stuff that works for everybody else and that’s worked for yourself in the past already!

So… the other day I was having a “fat day” … I was feeling heavier and even running was harder, I thought it was just in my mind so I stepped on the scale to “feel better” because I was sure it would show a loss, it had been 4 days since I had last weighed myself and since I continue to daily have a deficit of 750 calories I convinced myself I would see a lower number this time… I stepped on the scale (Wii Fit Balance Board) and it showed I gained 5 pounds! 5 pounds!!!!! and I am almost back to the Obese category (honestly! If I gain just 1 more oz. I will be there!) I started bawling! I called my husband and asked him to consider taking me to the dr. or something… This doesn’t make sense… it’s not normal! I felt down the whole day! Particularly because just the day before I made cake/cookies to share with friends here at the house and I didn’t even allow myself to have a cookie! so… it doesn’t make sense I gained at all!

(Here are some pics of my baked goods)

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I hope I can go to a dr. soon… I need to know if this is hormonal or what is going on! In the mean time I continue to run and I’ll have my 5k on Saturday… I already ran “mock 5ks” at the park and I know I “got it” but my knees sure feel the extra weight…

-sigh-

The Frustrated Lady In and Out!

My knees

Well, for those that don’t know it… I have RA, it’s been really good and “under control” I don’t take any medications for it because I am more scared of the “consequences” from the medicines than the actual RA… (except when I have a flare… then… just give me anything!!!) but since I haven’t been in pain (except for morning stiffness, particularly when there’s too much humidity in the air) and I know that an important reason why I haven’t been doing “too bad” with it… it’s all the weight I’ve lost… even if the scale never catches up with my efforts… just knowing that my muscles are stronger and feeling lighter and almost pain free is a great motivator to keep going…

BUT… and there’s a BUT… MY knees! Oh my goodness! They just feel very uncomfortable, there’s pain mainly when going up/down stairs and or when “sitting/getting up” if I warm up enough before my runs then they barely bother me… but as I said… when going upstairs or stuff like that… the “horrible cracking” that comes out of my knees is pretty uncomfortable and LOUD… I actually avoid a set of stairs in church where I can even hear the “echo” from the sound coming out of my poor knees! It’s embarrassing! I know when I was younger I already had some deformations in my knees, very minor, but they were there… as consequence of RA … they looked like little bumps and sometimes even like sharp peaks in some areas of the joint… but I guess time ( age ), excessive weight and now even running has affected them more… I’m so bad taking medicine or supplements that I really never took anything but I just started taking Glucosamine Chondroitin MSM and I truly hope there’ll be a good, noticeable effect from taking it! SOON! I hope so because that’s what I feel it’s keeping me right now from being able to run more… My heart has gotten so much stronger already that I am actually burning way less calories with my morning run! My heart rate used to reach up to 180 and now… well… I am lucky if it reaches 167! that’s great… but I need to do more in order to burn the numbers I was burning! I also feel like my leg muscles have gotten stronger… my pace is much faster now I run at 11.5 minutes per mile when I used to run a mile in 20 minutes (yes… I was basically walking! when I thought I was running) so… now I just need to get this “knee thing” better…

The Thin Lady Inside

My first 5K

Hello everybody… Remember how the other day I said I was done trying to “lose weight”? I explained I wasn’t done eating healthy and exercising… just done with the hope of seeing the scale or measuring tape reflect my efforts! But you know what? I am SOOO not done! I guess I’ll never be! I am pushing towards my goal… I do not know how long it will take… I know it will not be easy… I know I will get discouraged at times… but I am NOT done!

So I am switching things up around a little bit… once again eating less calories… staying within 1200-1500 a day and incorporating more strength training… Right now I am pumped because my first 5k is coming! April 27th I will be running! I will be in a group that will not be timed! I am not going for “speed” right now… I am just going to continue to incorporate healthy activities in my life that keep me motivated and encouraged!

So… My first 5k will be to support a missionary cause… people who take water and the gospel to Sudan! plus a bunch of other things… so… I am excited!

The Thin Lady Inside

Laughing, Crying and deciding I am not losing weight anymore

Hello everybody! Here I am! Still in the fight… at least when it comes to eating healthy and burning more calories than I eat… Let me tell you I’ve been absent because a bunch of things have happened… Good and not so good ones… Last week we had an awesome vacation time with hubby, we went to a place close by and spent the night at a hotel there, hubby, the girls and I… so it was a great time… we had dinner out and breakfast but even for our “mini-vacations” I totally watched what I ate… I didn’t even skip my morning runs and got way more “steps in” than usual in my daily activity because we walked and were out and about so much! It was great! For dinner hubby had an amazing dish of shrimp, made in different ways, different batters, different fries, coconut shrimp, natural, etc… and different sauces to dip the shrimp in… ah! It looked awesome! I had steamed fish with rice and vegetables… I did great! drank water and said “no” to ice cream … Then in the morning went to IHOP and I stayed in the “simple and fit” side of the menu! Didn’t exceed my calories! I was excited to come home and weigh myself… just to find out that after one week I gained 4 pounds! I know… you (shadowrun) will say “that’s impossible” and I’ve thought about it too! It, in theory, is impossible! BUT… it is true! Who am I kidding!???? All the times that “this” has happened it’s been TRUE! Otherwise I would’ve left the 170’s a long time ago!!! I decided to believe it was liquid retention… I decided not to cry and give it a few more days… so I did… I stayed strong and exercising, eating great! Making good choices! Sticking with what “works” or at least I thought “had worked” just to step on the scale again and see I gained an extra 1 pound! Yes… some will say it’s muscle but that’s not true!!! IT IS NOT! I would still look thinner! And even when my face might have slimmed a little my waist hasn’t shrunk at all!!! My floating device is still there!!! And yes… my pants are actually tighter around the waist! It does NOT make sense! I am back at 180 pounds! I HAD BEEN already felt victorious and thought I had left “the bump” in the past when I reached 175.3 but… I guess I celebrated too soon!

So I have decided not to “try to lose weight anymore” … that’s always been my focus! I’ve decided to not care about the scale or even the measuring tape, my new worst enemies! And just continue to do what I do (run, exercise, make healthy choices) just for the “sake of it” and to avoid getting back to my huge old self again! I might be this weight forever (or so it seems) but at least I am not as obese as I used to! I am still eating about 750 calories less than I burn per day… so maybe one day, by some sort of miracle my body will decide to join me in my efforts! Because continue to expect low numbers is just too exhausting and very un-rewarding!

What else happened? Well… Hubby’s car got stolen… YES, stolen… and I’ve cried like a baby because we had a lot of our babies stuff in the trunk…. we were thinking about donating it to someone special who would need it…  but this horrible person, whoever it was, who stole hubby’s car got it all! swing, bouncing chair, play pen, carseat, etc… memories of my babies, their scent, their rocking, everything! I might be hormonal right now or something because I am crying again… I shouldn’t! It was just stuff and I am thankful we have another car so hubby can still go to work without an issue… now I don’t have a car but have wonderful friends who have told me they are THERE FOR ME if I need anything… and many have cars but not that many have such awesome friends! 🙂

Anyway… long update, huh? 🙂

The Thin Lady… way inside!

Weigh in – I wasn’t trusting it!

Hello everybody… I think that the last time I reported my weight here I was at 179 pounds but even after that I think my scale showed again an increase and I was at 180 yet again… I kept feeling like “it didn’t make any sense” … I have been stuck between 179-182 pounds for almost a year… regardless of my exercising and calorie counting… Some would tell me to just “trust the fitbit/myfitnesspal recommendations, go ahead and eat more”… some others would say “it’s ok to “eat that little” … I didn’t know what to do … I tried them both… and I was still stuck…

In the period of that year I must say that for a few months I didn’t exercise as much… and it’s only been until recently that I got really disciplined and just telling myself “how bad do you really want this?” … that made me take the decision to start running in the mornings (which had always been “taboo” for me! LOL) I never thought I could exercise “that early” but I realized I had no choice! still my weight wouldn’t change much… but I didn’t give up and kept running! I also incorporated “rowing” -with my rowing machine- to my exercises… I do it about 3 times in a week… and still… my weight would go down a little bit… and then up a little bit… and then I started adding more protein and more calories even to my daily intake… I also added fruit and yogurt to my diet… and … well… All I can say is that… all of a sudden… in the period of a week… I lost 3.5 pounds… YES! yesterday my scale said I had lost 3.5 pounds… but I wasn’t trusting it… it was “too good to be true” and I didn’t want to get “too excited” and then find out “the next day” that I had “gained it all back overnight” … so I didn’t say anything yesterday and today I stepped on the scale again… and from yesterday to today I “lost” an additional 1.5 pounds… so I now weigh 175 pounds… all of a sudden… it seems that “my body gets it” … I don’t know… but I’ll take it! My goal is now to eat around 1600-1700 calories a day, and if for some reason in a day I exercise way more then I feel free to eat more, of course still making good choices… instead of 1200-1400, not only it seems more “doable” I can also be more consistent and it’s easier to avoid “sudden cravings” … plus I think it’s just the fuel I need to keep burning… I am still very overweight but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel… I hope my scale doesn’t turn against me again… I am glad I never gave up… there’s no way! There’s no choice!

The Thin Lady Inside