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Scared! Very scared!

So… yes… I am still scared of food! It is weird… you’d think that’s the least of my fears since I seem to go to it very often! But no… now that I am trying to lose weight I am scared of it… and I don’t trust it! Even when “MyfitnessPal” tells me “it’s ok” or when shadowrun or other readers/friends say “don’t worry too much about it” I do… I worry… and I am very concerned about it right now… the whole “net calorie count” doesn’t seem to be working for me… I am starting to gain weight again… I know, the scale might be wrong, I know there are days that it might go up just because I am a woman and there are hormonal changes, etc… but food seems to hate me… or give me a “special treat” … I’ve been keeping my “net calorie intake under 1000” … because I catch up with exercise everyday if I pass my goal of calories for the day (1200) which I’ve been doing the past 3 or 4 days … Yesterday… I ate all good stuff and reached 1554 calories… didn’t exercise but spent the whole day pushing a stroller and running around my girls in a farm that we went to… (kinda like pumpkin patch thing) … it was a huge place, we fed animals and did a lot of fun things… I was sooo exhausted by the end of the day that I felt I was just going to collapse! so I know even when I ate 1554 calories I should be ok because I know I burnedย  A LOT! but… BUT… I am scared! I keep seeing +.7ย  +.5 +.6 consistently each day on the scale… what in the world?ย  I would understand the numbers to go up for a couple of days if it’s just “me” … and honestly I DO keep track of EVERYTHING I eat (almost obsessively!) and when I am not sure of how many exact calories I always go to the higher possible amount of calories that could’ve been!
I am doing good today but these feelings of “failure” regardless of so much work make me nervous and nervousness makes me feel out of control… I need to regain confidence somehow… But I am afraid of eating… I really am… and I can’t live without eating of course (and I don’t want to either… obviously!) but I feel like I have to eat 1000-1200 gross calories without worrying about what the net calorie intake is … and just use the exercise to burn without thinking that it helps me “catch up” because it doesn’t seem it does!
The Thin Lady Inside

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8 thoughts on “Scared! Very scared!

    • Thanks for your comment! the sad thing of this fear…. of being this terrified… is that I have to admit I feel like I can’t defeat it… it doesn’t keep me away from food… it almost pushes me to it ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

  1. I totally understand. I have been there and it’s mentally exhausting! Just try to take control. You are the only one in the relationship (You+Food Relationship) that can make choices. You got this girly! If you want more help, feel free to email me. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. It’s true that you need to burn more calories than you are taking in to lose weight. Most women burn about 1800 calories of food by daily activities and average exercise. So unless you are eating more than that over a long period of time, you are not going to gain weight.
    At the same time, if you are exercising a lot, and taking in very few calories, your body will hold on to the weight in order to give it the energy it needs to keep up with you. So the balance between your food intake and your exercise intake is what’s important. That is what your fitbit is measuring and why it wants you to eat more.
    In other words, don’t be afraid to eat! And don’t be afraid to trust your fitbit – at least a little more than what you have been. You’ve been very active! Allow your body some more “energy” and it will use that to burn weight.
    Something that Janet is learning as well, is she needs more muscle. So think about adding squats, arm exercises and ab work to your routine – maybe 3 times a week – to build muscle.
    Whatever you do, do NOT give up! You’ve been so proud of yourself, as you should be. Keep your confidence up! You got this!

    • Thank you shadow! I am not giving up! That’s for sure! I know what happens if I do and I don’t like that option so it’s not even one! I sooo appreciate your words of wisdom, encouragement and support!

  3. I think that maybe you should allow yourself to eat those calories that you burn so you are not under 1200 calorie which is not recommended.
    An alcoolic would be able to quit alcool(not saying it is easy!) but with food we cannot quit! We have to learn moderation and maybe it makes it harder in a way! You just got back into it so maybe your fear will slow down after a while. Anyway I know you can do this and I am right here with you!

    • Very true! I always thin about that … you know… the alcoholic vs the compulsive eater… same thing … just the eating you still have to do! daily! facing your very temptations at all times during the day… ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for your support THL

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