First of all Thank you THL and Shadow for being here for me… thanks to my friend Tiffany for always being such a great encouragement… -sigh- I … I am feeling so heavy I won’t even step on the scale… I am scared! I feel this weight on my stomach that wasn’t there anymore… when I sit it’s like it pushes even my lungs… But I need to stop this pity party I have for myself… I just don’t know why I act like if it is going to be “my last meal” … I start the day right but then… I see myself eating and once I see myself eating it’s like I just “give up” I need consistency… I need discipline… I feel so random lately in my mind… like I just can’t get a hold of the reigns of my life… out of control, weird! I am not even going through any “hardship or trial” Praise God… but I am just tired of trying to lose weight! I hate that! I shouldn’t see it like that… I know… but I do get tired of counting calories and making sure I burn them off… I get tired of even thinking about waking up earlier to exercise… so I just don’t … I guess I am rebellious just because it almost feels unfair! But I know it’s just the way it is… I won’t give up… trust me… I have to just get a grip and move on.. whatever I gained I won’t even know… I will just start exercising again… and keep going… whatever this is it will just be a “big bump” on the road and it will be part of my past starting now… If you want to know how you can help… yes… be here for me like you always are… Thank you for reading, thank you for liking, thank you for rating, thank you for commenting… I need all the support I can get… I could cry right now… sorry… emotional fat lady alert! LOL!
Anyway… I promise I’ll get up and recover from this one… Help me stay accountable… the how to lose weight… I pretty much know it… I’ve done it way too many times… and I am scared this is just one of those times when I just gain it all back … the how to stay thin… well… I’ve never done it but I know it’s just persistence… staying active, I know the tricks, I could even teach them but I can’t do them! -sigh- I feel defeated but at the same time I know I can do it… I have to! I truly have to… because of my health… because my triglicerides are to the roof! Because I want to live happy as long as possible and enjoy my girls and play with them instead of being a slow, mopey person that only looks at others live life! It feels great being thin! I wish that feeling was enough to keep me motivated! What in the world is wrong with me that I do the very things that cause me pain over and over again? Well… no need to dwell on that… but if you, reader or friend want to help me… continue being here… for me… you have no idea how much it means… I can’t do this alone, that’s for sure… I created an e-mail address too for this blog… if anybody wants to contact… please, no haters if possible! firstname.lastname@example.org
The Thin Lady Inside