Here I am … I didn’t weigh myself today either… it was harder than yesterday because I did exercise and I got on the balance board… but the hardest thing for me today was the eating… I ate more than I should’ve and this no weighing myself is definitely going to be a learning experience because I am battling with thoughts like “it’s ok! I can eat this! I have a month to lose it anyway!” I mean… the thoughts aren’t as “clear and shameless” like that! I disguise them and “lie to myself” at times… but that’s what I HONESTLY FEEL INSIDE OF ME! And it’s horribly scary! It’s like if weighing myself was what “kept me together” and kept me from eating because I knew if I ate “anything” wrong I would see it on the scale right away… now that the scale is gone… I feel lost and like I can eat… and it is horrible! I ate more rice than I should’ve (rice… rice!!! My constant battle!!!!) and I caught myself nibbling more often when I cooked and when I opened the fridge or from my girls’ snacks! I am being totally honest here!
I did exercise though… even when I am sick… I sneezed, coughed and kept blowing my nose the whole time but I needed to feel somewhat “in control” and have some sense of “I am doing this!!!” IYKWIM!
-sigh- Anyway… I have to go now… not feeling great but I am still fighting! Recognizing my weaknesses, being honest with myself… and moving on! MOVING ON!
The Thin Lady Inside