So… you are still struggling to lose weight! You are working out hard and the scale isn’t moving… what are you doing all this for? Is it even worth it? You are not eating everything you crave for and still the numbers won’t go down! Plus your legs are sore from yesterday’s run! Why don’t you just eat one of those blueberry muffins you made? Your husband said they are delicious! The scale won’t even change anyway! And here you are… depriving yourself from something you know you are going to enjoy! … Eat it! Just eat whatever you want! Remember how good it made you feel? Remember how good it all tastes? What are you doing all this for? It’s hard and then you don’t even lose weight as fast as you want! And the scale has been showing the same numbers for about 3 weeks now… You are discouraged and what can you do when you are discouraged? Food has always been there for you! It won’t fail this time either! It will make you feel good to just stuff it all down your throat! That’s who YOU REALLY ARE! Maybe you are not meant to be thin! Others might be able to do it but not you! Maybe there is nobody thin inside of you! If people love you they should love you no matter how you look! Plus… you have to remember that you’ve lost weight in the past and gained it all back… maybe it will happen again and you’ll just feel like a failure one more time! People will give you “that look” again… the “sorry” look and then you’ll feel like explaining all over… so… just stop now… stop punishing yourself with this diet and making a fool of yourself! You are not strong! You’ve never been! You can’t run! You just CAN’T! Maybe you feel like you are running but it’s not even that fast! Your joints aren’t that strong… and you are older now! Maybe you had a chance at this when you were younger but not anymore…
– SIGH –
You know what? STOP!!! Just STOP!!! I won’t hear you anymore! Let me tell you something… I am not going to go back to eating the way I used to! I am not going to stop exercising! I just want you to know that I am here to stay! Do you think you are tempting? Well, you are not! You are wrong about me and I KNOW that NOW! I am done with your lies and your traps to keep me lazy, fat and unhappy! You know what to say but I know you well now… all your promises of comfort if I go back to food and sitting around have never delivered, it all might sound good in the beginning but I’ve heard you too many times before and you’ve failed me every single time! You think I deserve to eat that blueberry muffing? Well, let me tell you something… I deserve not to eat it! Why would I stop exercising now? I feel better than I’ve ever felt! Yes, you are right! The scale hasn’t moved for three weeks and it might make me feel discouraged from time to time but… what’s the option? Going back to overeating? Really? That’s not an option for me! Not anymore! I KNOW I won’t feel better… I know I’ll only feel worse! Food provides a comfort that lasts too short and I know that the guilt and remorse that come afterward are just too horrible and painful and I don’t want to be there again! So what if the scale won’t go down for now? Will I just eat to make it go up? HA! That wouldn’t be smart! Would it? I know the scale will move, eventually but not only that… let me tell you that even if it stayed there forever… I know I am healthier, happier and stronger than ever! and it will just keep getting better! Yes I like food and I love what I am eating right now! I am not missing out on anything! I am now in control and I choose what I eat! Do you think I’ve forgotten the feeling of being stuffed, sleepy, weak, lazy, bloated, heavy, tired and defeated? That’s how I felt everyday and it kept getting worse with each passing day! If I am discouraged now I am strong enough to get encouraged again and go use the gym as a motivation… so go away you stupid voice! You get weaker each day! I am stronger than you now! This is WHO I REALLY AM but I was trapped for too long! Yes, there is a thin, healthy, happy person inside of me… and each day that I work hard I get closer to being that in every aspect of my life! I am running now! I am running! and it might not be that fast but it keeps getting faster! whatever my age, it doesn’t matter! this is not just for young people! This is for EVERYONE and I am doing this!
The Thin Lady Inside