-sigh- I write this… in great disappointment at myself… I fell into the big temptation of going to food for comfort… I used it again when I wasn’t in “my best moment” and I regret every bite of the things I ate… thank God we don’t really have unhealthy food at home… otherwise I would’ve pounded down the chips, cookies, ice cream or whatever! Thank God we are also at the end of the month and we haven’t bought groceries because there wasn’t much to eat anyway… but I had…
- some creamy chicken/vegetable soup (it has butter, flour and whole milk in it)
- I also had some leftover meatloaf
- fideo noodles that my baby didn’t want to eat
and that was it! I knew what was happening… I felt “it” take control! It wasn’t me anymore! It was that weird sensation of “anxiety” and … guilt even! that makes me SHAKE and makes me eat and makes me feel disappointed because I AM EATING and I can’t seem to be able to stop! Today wasn’t a good day for me! Littlest one wasn’t feeling well and I had to take her to the doctor… nothing to big… strep throat … but it affects my whole day when they get sick… I am irritable, nervous, anxious… and I felt I was handling it well until I saw myself eating….
why? Why do I do this to myself? I won’t dwell on this fall but I have to take responsibility for what I did… I must admit it… repent and move on to better things! Hopefully I’ll start gaining control over this impulses I have to overeat when I feel stressed out! When something bad happens, I find it easier to fall into temptation when things are “even a little wrong” than when there’s a big celebration and everyone’s eating! … weird!
anyway… I wanted to confess… and hopefully learn from this… I don’t want to do this again!
The Thin Lady Inside