Well, last night, we had “Social Friday” in church, the church where I go is very big, so it’s divided in many many groups! those groups are still big so they divide in sub-groups, and those subgroups get organized to have a “Social Friday” once a month, it’s always the same Friday for all the groups and church provides child-care in church. You pretty much do whatever you want, you can go out for dinner, stay in church and have a pot-luck there, or even exercise with your group (I wish I was in the exercising group right now!!!) so… it’s from 7-10 p.m. well, in the morning I realized I had NOTHING TO WEAR! All my pants are too baggy, and being fat I always avoid clothes-shopping so my shirts are all raggedy and worn and just bad! I pretty much always wear the same thing! but yesterday, I didn’t feel like “bowling” in baggy pants! When pretty much everybody is looking at your behind when it’s your turn to bowl! LOL! Also, I thought: “If I buy a new size of pants that’s probably going to give me the motivation to not eat tonight” So I went to the store to buy jeans and hopefully a shirt too… I was in the store and… well… when I started this journey my jeans were size 18, then I went to 16 and now my jeans 16 were too big… So I started looking at jeans size 14 hoping that even if they were “a little tight” I would lose more weight soon enough and be able to wear them “comfortably” soon. Well… I got some jeans (size 14) to the fitting room and guess what? They all felt big! (what????) I was in shock… My “explanation” is that, since they are not ON THE WAIST but a little lower then that”s the reason why they are big, I pretty much have “no hips” and my hips and legs always lose weight first… my BIG PROBLEM is my stomach (especially higher, between my ribs) so that’s probably why size 14 was a little baggy, I thought about buying them like that but then it didn’t make sense to buy jeans that are ALREADY big, will get bigger with the wear and will be even BIGGER as a lose more weight…. I went and grabbed jeans size 12 (laughing to myself thinking I was crazy!) and thought: “Well, let’s at least see how much more I need to lose to wear these) and when I went to the fitting room, they… felt great! They weren’t tight, I had no problem zipping them up! but I looked like a candied apple in them! or like a muffin! My shape is so weird! LOL! this big rib cage and stomach and thin from the hips down! I can now buy jeans size 12 but have to still get “plus-sized shirts” -sigh- anyway… I am far from really being size 12, like “the whole me” but my hips are size 12… not so exciting when you know your face and torax still look size 1X or XL … but I know that I am definitely losing weight and that the rest of my body will soon show it too! I am sure of that! So… I bought my size 12 jeans and went bowling! Everybody ate and I was starving, there were hot dogs, fries and pizza, cheesy, gooey, greasy pizza in front of me and I had … WATER! Just water, then bowled for a little bit and we left early (at 9) to go get our girls from child-care (I don’t like keeping the baby up that late) so… there you go! I had a big victory! Came home and had my low calorie strawberry smoothie and enjoyed every single sip of it! It feels good to know you defeated temptation!!! I know it feels better than eating, having a full stomach but then feeling sick thinking about “what you ate!” guess what??? There’s a dinner we have to go to tonight! … -sigh- temptations never end!!
The Thin Lady Inside