-Sigh- I think I’ve said it before… I don’t want this blog to be a negative one at all… I don’t want it to be depressing or whinny! and even when I want it to be always upbeat and with a good positive attitude I must be honest and sometimes it is not all like that… It is interesting what made us, or made ME in this case, be fat, and I think that part of it all is not accepting how I really feel and just hiding it all and then just using food as an escape of some sort… So… as I’ve also said before, this blog will just reflect my deepest and most honest feelings, I want it to be like talking to myself… and at the same time knowing that someone might read it and hopefully get something out of my own thoughts and “realizations” while I go through this journey… having said that… my point is that I can see that some days are just WAY HARDER than others! Yesterday, even when I thought it would be a good day, for some reason it wasn’t … The haunting voices of guilt and “you can’t do it” came to my head making me feel heavier and fatter than ever! Like I am hopeless in this fight! and believe it or not, I constantly battle with thoughts of “you are not really losing any weight!” I constantly get on the scale to make sure I lost what I thought I lost, and I even “carry books” or something that make “the scale move” just so I verify that the scale is really working! For some reason the jeans that I’ve been wearing lately that have felt loser they were just super tight yesterday, which made me feel miserable, and I realize that as a woman sometimes those things happen and you just retain water or something… so… at the end of the day I just wanted to go exercise and hopefully feel “better and liberated” there but it didn’t happen! it was like I haven’t been exercising, each minute of the workout felt hard! my body wasn’t “pushing me to run” like it’s been doing before… on the contrary! walking at 3.9, which has been feeling much easier lately, was “too fast” like if my legs just couldn’t move… and I cried! -sigh-
so… there you go… that was a hard day… I just weighed myself and even when the scale showed no weight I know I am on the right path… all the things I described above will not make me stop what I am doing! Because I am focused on doing it for “THE LONG RUN” (no pun intended) and not just for the “here and now”. These are the days that in the past would’ve made me stop and just QUIT! These are the very days that will be just another reason to KEEP ON GOING!
So… my numbers:
Yesterday’s and Today’s weight: 218.0
The Thin Lady Inside