Today

Well… yesterday is in the past whether bad or good I can’t do anything about it anymore… and my future will be affected by what I do today… So I need to stop getting impatient about the future and feeling guilty about the past and just work at this one day at a time! Today… Meal by Meal… work out by work out! 🙂

I choose to have a good day today! My circumstances might not entirely change (baby is still a little sick, strep throat, but she is very strong and she’ll be all better!) and I might still be tempted with things to eat… but I’ll face each temptation at a time! Anyway… I want to say… that part of my not stressing to much will be my “getting on the scale” I’ll leave that for Mondays! so I won’t be able to update my numbers each day but that’s ok… We’ll see … I might adjust as I go… it’s interesting how weighing once a week does help me in a way to not be so stressed out and then disappointed if my weight varies only an ounce or two but at the same time it is something that “holds me accountable” day by day because I know if I eat something I shouldn’t it will SHOW immediately… anyway… as I said… we’ll see.. I think doing it only once is “healthier” for my mind.

And speaking of today… I won’t be exercising! It turns out that my new running shoes won’t work for me… I step weird so I need probably 1/2 size bigger shoes so they don’t hurt me as I run… I think hubby will get them changed today but he’ll be home until late at night tonight so … there goes my work out… I’ll focus on my calorie intake for the day!

So… what are you doing TODAY?

The Thin Lady Inside

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When not everything is perfect

-sigh- I write this… in great disappointment at myself… I fell into the big temptation of going to food for comfort… I used it again when I wasn’t in “my best moment” and I regret every bite of the things I ate… thank God we don’t really have unhealthy food at home… otherwise I would’ve pounded down the chips, cookies, ice cream or whatever! Thank God we are also at the end of the month and we haven’t bought groceries because there wasn’t much to eat anyway… but I had…

  • some creamy chicken/vegetable soup (it has butter, flour and whole milk in it)
  • I also had some leftover meatloaf
  • fideo noodles that my baby didn’t want to eat

and that was it! I knew what was happening… I felt “it” take control! It wasn’t me anymore! It was that weird sensation of “anxiety” and … guilt even! that makes me SHAKE and makes me eat and makes me feel disappointed because I AM EATING and I can’t seem to be able to stop! Today wasn’t a good day for me! Littlest one wasn’t feeling well and I had to take her to the doctor… nothing to big… strep throat … but it affects my whole day when they get sick… I am irritable, nervous, anxious… and I felt I was handling it well until I saw myself eating….

why? Why do I do this to myself? I won’t dwell on this fall but I have to take responsibility for what I did… I must admit it… repent and move on to better things! Hopefully I’ll start gaining control over this impulses I have to overeat when I feel stressed out! When something bad happens, I find it easier to fall into temptation when things are “even a little wrong” than when there’s a big celebration and everyone’s eating! … weird!

anyway…  I wanted to confess… and hopefully learn from this… I don’t want to do this again!

-sigh-

The Thin Lady Inside

One big turkey down… three to go!

Yes! That’s how much weight I’ve lost! One whole BIG 22 pound turkey! LOL! I finally weighed myself today (after not getting on the scale for 4 days) Today… I did it and I lost in those days the amount of 3.2 pounds! I am just thrilled! Not only I PURPOSELY AND PURPOSEFULLY INDULGED to “get my body going” but I increased a little bit my daily calorie intake! (adhering to My Original Menu) …. I also was strong resisting the temptation of eating junk, greasy food and I am so happy it all paid off! I was a bit nervous getting on the scale today! But I was thrilled when I saw the numbers! Let’s go to them:

My weight on Wednesday 2/22: 203.8 lbs.       My weight today 2/27: 200.6 lbs.

And I finally see the end of 200’s much closer! I have lost an entire turkey like the big one we had for Thanksgiving last year (Visualizing my weight like that gives me an idea on what was on my body and isn’t there anymore!)

Look at it!

LOL! That’s no longer IN ME! or I could also see it in butter! Can you imagine? 22 pounds of butter?? 🙂 I no longer carry that! The other side of it is that I still need to lose 3 more whole turkeys like that! But I know I can do it! And I will!

The Thin Lady Inside

Running from Junk-food, running-shoes and running to the scale!

So… how was everybody’s weekend? I literally felt like I had a pizza running after me! Do I have a target on my back or what’s going on? First we had the “bowling Social Friday” where there was a pizza laid in front of me and I just had water, then the “Awana Grand Prix event” from church ended with PIZZA! And there was so much pizza left-over that they were almost BEGGING us to eat! I just said “no thank you” As I watched everybody eat in front of me! Today I made comfort food for my family 🙂 Stuff that was really ON MY MIND and that I would’ve loved to enjoy but I made it for them: Meatloaf and mac’n’cheese  hubby and my oldest girl loved it (the littlest was already sleeping) and a lady from church invited us for lunch next Sunday and she is already saying it will be something yummy so… you can imagine how I feel like food is after me! Like if there was something that just wants me to “fall” and make it harder for me! I am just thankful I’ve been good regardless of all that and I’ve adhered to my diet… so I’ve been running, running, running from food! 

Then… If you have read my previous posts, especially when I talk about “work-outs” you know I’ve said I need running shoes… well.. I finally got them! Hubby bought a new pair for me! I was sooo needing them! why don’t I let two pictures tell you how much I needed them?

My old shoes

Really worn out!!!

As you can see I EXHAUSTED my tennis shoes! I really got all the possible mileage out of them… and then some!

So… I am sure you can imagine how thrilled I am to have gotten these:

Let's run!!!

so… that was a really nice gift! Right now I am biting my nails just thinking that I am finally going to be able to weigh myself after a few days of having it “off limits” … tomorrow morning I’ll run to it and find out if I’ve lost any more pounds! Oh! I sure hope so!!!! I’ll keep you POSTED! 😉

The Thin Lady Inside

Bowling…. and “New Size?”

Well, last night, we had “Social Friday” in church, the church where I go is very big, so it’s divided in many many groups! those groups are still big so they divide in sub-groups, and those subgroups get organized to have a “Social Friday” once a month, it’s always the same Friday for all the groups and church provides child-care in church. You pretty much do whatever you want, you can go out for dinner, stay in church and have a pot-luck there, or even exercise with your group (I wish I was in the exercising group right now!!!) so…  it’s from 7-10 p.m. well, in the morning I realized I had NOTHING TO WEAR! All my pants are too baggy, and being fat I always avoid clothes-shopping so my shirts are all raggedy and worn and just bad! I pretty much always wear the same thing! but yesterday, I didn’t feel like “bowling” in baggy pants! When pretty much everybody is looking at your behind when it’s your turn to bowl! LOL! Also, I thought: “If I buy a new size of pants that’s probably going to give me the motivation to not eat tonight” So I went to the store to buy jeans and hopefully a shirt too… I was in the store and… well… when I started this journey my jeans were size 18, then I went to 16 and now my jeans 16 were too big… So I started looking at jeans size 14 hoping that even if they were “a little tight” I would lose more weight soon enough and be able to wear them “comfortably” soon. Well… I got some jeans (size 14) to the fitting room and guess what? They all felt big! (what????) I was in shock… My “explanation” is that, since they are not ON THE WAIST but a little lower then that”s the reason why they are big, I pretty much have “no hips” and my hips and legs always lose weight first… my BIG PROBLEM is my stomach (especially higher, between my ribs) so that’s probably why size 14 was a little baggy, I thought about buying them like that but then it didn’t make sense to buy jeans that are ALREADY big, will get bigger with the wear and will be even BIGGER as a lose more weight…. I went and grabbed jeans size 12 (laughing to myself thinking I was crazy!) and thought: “Well, let’s at least see how much more I need to lose to wear these) and when I went to the fitting room, they… felt great! They weren’t tight, I had no problem zipping them up! but I looked like a candied apple in them! or like a muffin! My shape is so weird! LOL! this big rib cage and stomach and thin from the hips down! I can now buy jeans size 12 but have to still get “plus-sized shirts” -sigh- anyway… I am far from really being size 12, like “the whole me” but my hips are size 12… not so exciting when you know your face and torax still look size 1X or XL … but I know that I am definitely losing weight and that the rest of my body will soon show it too! I am sure of that! So… I bought my size 12 jeans and went bowling! Everybody ate and I was starving, there were hot dogs, fries and pizza, cheesy, gooey, greasy pizza in front of me and I had … WATER! Just water, then bowled for a little bit and we left early (at 9) to go get our girls from child-care (I don’t like keeping the baby up that late) so… there you go! I had a big victory! Came home and had my low calorie strawberry smoothie and enjoyed every single sip of it! It feels good to know you defeated temptation!!! I know it feels better than eating, having a full stomach but then feeling sick thinking about “what you ate!” guess what??? There’s a dinner we have to go to tonight! … -sigh- temptations never end!!

The Thin Lady Inside

 

Hungry? eat beans!

Well… I have been eating a little more these past days, just adding some things because it seemed I was eating too little calories and maybe that’s what got me “stuck” in my weight… anyway… I started adding “beans” to my diet… they are very good for you, high in iron, etc… I just don’t like “American Beans” or “baked beans” they taste so weird… sweet and weird… many people eat them in picnics here… which I find funny… but anyway… this is a very Mexican and very healthy way to eat beans as a snack or as a meal, just make sure they have no fat in them and no sugar added (or molasses) I buy the brand “GOYA” they are pinto, red or black beans… make sure they are no refried beans… they should just be basically “boiled”. So 1/2 a cup of beans (to still keep it in the low calorie side) Then I just add some (as much or little as you want!) chopped cilantro, onions, tomatoes and pickled jalapenos, plus a slice or two of cubed avocado! YUM! It is delicious! Just make sure you heat the beans first, they should be hot and then add “the garnish” (all the chopped stuff) once they are hot, add some salt on top and enjoy! It is a VERY VERY healthy and satisfying thing to eat!

The Thin Lady Inside

Wish me… STRENGTH!

So tonight we’ll be going bowling with some people from church! I love going bowling… I always have… but guess why? Because even when I AM REALLY REALLY BAD AT IT… There is always junk food to eat! Yes… I love good food, high cuisine food or plain healthy food but… don’t get me wrong… I could eat a bunch of buffalo wings, nachos, a big cheese burger and a huge cold coke with great pleasure!!!! (why don’t we have some ice cream with that??) so… I know it will be hard today! I really wanted to “skip it” I don’t feel like going to be tortured… I can’t even bowl and now I can’t even EAT! I know everybody else will be eating and it’s not going to be even remotely possible that I find something “healthy” in a Bowling Alley Menu! so wish me strength! Please I beg you! I just hope everything is over quickly!!!

😦

The Thin Lady Inside